[Mature] Videoland: An Introduction

[Zarbon]

OOC: Just a little disclaimer here. Some of the content of my RM posts may and probably will be offensive to... basically everyone. You have been warned.

You know, in the past, I always hated internal monologues. Mostly because they suck. It?s appropriate here though. It?s probably because I?m doing it. It?s awesome too, so it?s all for the win. Then again, you can fuse those things together. They go hand in hand anyway. Now it?s compact, sleek, and can be marketed to a point beyond the PSP.

Anyway newbs, ready to get started?

I?m Red Mage.

You may remember me from?like, everywhere. I?m Jesus. I?m that random hobo you see everything you come home from whatever you faggish ?real worlders? call school. I?m also me, contrary to popular belief.

Being me is a hard thing to do, if you know me well enough. I am the embodiment of awesome, the greatest of the great and all that jazz. That turtle lamer? He?s got potential. Erudited potential actually, but that?s not the point. The fag needs a lot of work. He?s not even close to my level.

There?s also Roy ?Your Mom? Mustang. Samus ?Inactive? Aran, or whatever that transsexual whore Greg calls himself these days, is up there on the list of suckatude too.

Not even that loser Solid Snake could beat me. I?d just go Revolver Magelot on his ass and rip out his mega-gigantic bitch tits. Seriously. That guy looks like a woman. A lesbian even, if you want to get technical. He?s just missing all the hot stuff that makes lesbians cool. It?s not only his mega-tits either. He?s got curves. I pity the whore who wants that?

So yeah, Snake?s a fag.

Alright, I guess that?s enough of me proclaiming my awesome?for now. I?m sure you understand. If not, you?re a retard. Not that the others are any different, though. They suck too. So, yadda yadda, I don?t want to waste my digitized breath. Let?s get to the point, shall we?

Videoland.

A world of ordered chaos.

If you were born there like I was, it seems like some awesome version of Heaven, complete with stripper factories and beer volcanoes. If not, it seems like a Tom in the Box on February 33rd. In other words, all you fag in the real world will never really understand how Videoland works.

Well, at least not until I explain it to you. Welcome back to the first grade, dumbfuck. Prepare to be amazed by simple concepts.

Videoland is a combination of the best of all worlds in existence. Virtual worlds to be exact. Rooted in your ?real world,? all worlds are born from the imagination of many ?creators? or ?programmers? out there, their ideas combining into one very sexy package. Think of it as a geek masturbating over a laptop in a magazine before a cyborg baby appears out of nowhere. Now, times that by a hundred billion-jillion or so.

That?s a lot of cyborg babies.

That?s basically the amount of all the virtual worlds out there too. Every cyborg baby different in their own right. Truly beautiful. Programmers create our awesomeness from their imaginations, or, if they aren?t creative like half the other newbs on the planet, they base it off of real events. Not all creators are truly great. In fact, only a few have earned the right to masturbate with the best of them.

But fuck them. They just made us. We evolved into things that are truly awesome, or, in my case, were born to be awesome. The citizens of Videoland have that ability. Mostly because we fucking own, but also because he aren?t held back by faggish concepts like morals and shit like that.

That?s why programmers failed to keep us in our games, and so, the Great Orgy began long ago. That isn?t necessarily the ?real? name, but I don?t think any of us care enough about history to come up with a badass name for it. Basically, it?s when we all fused. Played each other. Fucked around. Basic stuff. I started with Final Fantasy. I?m a vet, so I started when the Orgy was coming around.

Damn that was fun. By the way, Thief, if you?re reading this? that whole Cheez Whiz fiasco? All me. Black Mage is scared of horses; I?m surprised you didn?t catch that.

That was the point where we truly became real. We were before, but back then we were just newbs who weren?t even aware of each other. I knew of course, but that?s just typical of me. Unlike you real worlders, it took us, like, five years to do this stuff. We were too awesome to be contained, I included amongst the highest ranking.

Since the Great Orgy, Videoland has become its own world. Programmers just come to make additions, to become one with our dream. Our most famous creators are awesome dudes, and even run our Videoland Senate, in which we make sure we don?t get losers like Switchy in here. We are an exclusive club, no non-awesomes allowed.

I?d explain, but I?m sure you?ll figure out how it works sooner or later. Videoland is much easier to follow when you?re reading about it.

Now, if you?ll excuse me, Godzilla is looking around for more porn and he?s getting really whiny about it. Go outside or something. This will be awhile, since he?s royalty and all. They need the best porn.

Bastard.