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C & C requested
#1
My roleplay

It's in Gokua's saga, which he invited me to join, and the post done near the bottom that says
OOC: Oh shit son!
I found especially good, and wondered others opinions on it and how I may improve further upon my roleplays. Thanks.
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#2
As per request, C&C on the Moon Daggers roleplays instead.

I've always liked the fact that you made him a vampire with a Spanish accent. That's just frickin cool. Jack is the perfect character for the Moon Daggers guild. He's kind of sick and twisted, but at times has that whole suave thing going on.

Quote:Originally written by Bojack
?Where?s the fuckin? money Vincitti??

That sentence reminded me of the whole "Where's my money?" Stewie/Brian thing from Family Guy, and I laughed.

Sucks to be Susan in the Catch 22 situation you put her in. You sympathize with those characters, but you just can't bring yourself to feel sorry for them when they die or get screwed over. Way to stick it to her.

Take it a little easy from the serious tone you've got going. It's good, but roleplays need diversity.

Other than that, keep it up.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
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#3
Many thanks. I'm going to try and keep the serious tone to it for a bit, with a little bit of Bojack's dark humor thrown in. Part of the nature of the Harry Lorchay story I came up with. Noirish. I'll try and throw in some funnier lines here and there.
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#4
Doesn't necessarily have to be funny, just lighter.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
Reply
#5
The Martian
Excerpts:
?Nobody fucking move!? Jack barked. He threw back his hood, pillars of light in the smoke washing over his facial features, giving his face a stony look. His argent eyes gleamed in the smokey haze, like lighthouses in the fog, and nearly ten feet tall. The cloak hung, tied at his chest, off behind him. Someone fired a shot from the left, he heard it; Not the gunfire but the fall of the hammer, first, and hurled a ki ball at its source, burning up the bullet and the master all in one swoop. He screamed in agony for just under two seconds, and perished. ?Test me mother fuckers!?

***

The figure was creepy in the haze like fog, as if he were some vampire rose up from the dead. . . In an Isaac Asimov novel. He was all fucking blue, for Christ's sake. Max, Maxxie Andrew Williams, but Max to most, was not the average all brawn no brained type. This fucker meant business, and he just stopped a goddamn bullet; He had moved at faster than a blur; it had been instant, Max thought. ?He works up town.? There was another murmur, but no one tried to stop him this time. The Ader listened in.

***



Yes, it's dark.
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