The C&C Rotation

[Katelyn Ross]

So, one of these usually pops up. I'm starting it this time.

Most everyone knows how it works, but if you don't: you give C&C to the previous poster, then you post a link, and someone C&C's you. It's a cycle.

Since I'm the first poster, I don't have to give C&C to anyone. (Ha, take that!) Here's my first post in the saga: http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?...post547479. It's not my best, by far, but I would like some C&C on it, since I'm still trying to get comfortable with Iris.

[Juno]

I'm also going to add any and all posts in Bad Medicine to my C&C request.

In case you weren't aware, Iris = me. So yeah. Pick one. =]

[Sigfried Hunin]

Should we wait until the threads are finished or just judge on a by post basis?

[Juno]

Usually, it's just a post by post basis. Of course, if you wanted, you could critique all of the posts in a thread, but by a general rule of thumb, people only ask for one post per turn.

[Sigfried Hunin]

OK.

Yo, Juno, I like your thread so far. I like what you've done with your small cast of characters and the little scene with the lone mugg was pretty sweet. I liked the visualization of the fight.

Only thing I gotta say is just don't turn your NPCs into those cookie cutter "HURR DURR" meat brains. They've got their own shit goin on in their life. Not saying that's really happened yet but everyone is always at risk for that.


Iris: I like where you're going with it. The fact that it's a brand new character with no real history makes it fun to read, to see how she changes and learns. I hope you keep up this level of writing and forge on forward.

I like the internal monologue and everything, but I fear that you're setting yourself up with that sort of half-dim, flat character. I think you're doing a great character, I'm just fearful of it turning a bit flat if you lose motivation.

[Sigfried Hunin]

Yo, do me now.

[Victoria]

Well, I've read all your posts so far in this saga, so I'll C&C you Sig.

As far as story goes, I LOVE that you took a step out of the box and did your own thing. Most sagas people follow what they're given, they go fight the bad guys, but you're making a whole story within the story. You also have a good way of going about it, with the strategy behind it all, and the dramatic twists.

I adore what you've done with your character. At first I though that Sig was just suffering MPD, then I saw that he actually BECOMES these persona's. He can split up, and he even suffers from it at times, and these characters have personalities that interact together. It's really deep, and it blows me away, I think you're doing an awesome job of it.

I actually feel that by writing with you, and even just reading your stuff, there's some things I could learn. You narrate pretty well, and you have good detail. All I could really suggest is proof read! I noticed some typo's, words spelt wrong, that sort of thing. Otherwise overall I'd say your posts are all really well and I always look forward to reading them.

I was never good at giving C&C >.< and you probably heard this from me already.

Here's a post: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showpost.ph...stcount=18

[John Doe]

Well, uh, if nobody else is going to C&C you, I guess I have to. Forgive me in advance.

You are really good at making your characters seem like, well, real. Not the best word choice considering that Victoria is pretending to be innocent and weak, but yeah. Anyway, a key to making a good story is to make the characters accessible and/or likeable. You manage to do both, and that really helps me get through those walls of text.

You can also set up and move to a different scene very well. You change locations twice in your post, but I was able to keep a clear image of where Victoria was through each transition. I have read a few posts where a transition completely changes the scene, but there is no explanation as to where the reader's focus has moved to. I'm not a clever man, so I easily lose my train of thought if my questions of "where am I now?" are not answered. You were able to answer it twice, and only by using a few sentences.

I can't think of anything else to say, so I'll end by saying "you write good."

I guess I'm next eh?: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showpost.ph...ostcount=4

[Sigfried Hunin]

I'll do you if somebody doesn't in the next few days killah

[Jarka]

I guess I'm next eh?: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showpost.ph...ostcount=4

Fiiiiiine, I'll C&C you.

I think the thing that stands out most about your thread is that you are a genuinely funny writer. Like, Doe is kind of an ass, but the humor surrounding him completely redeems it. I know it was in a later post, but the fightmaster with the two/four cigars was one of the funniest mental images I've had while reading in a long time. I demand more!

I do wish that you'd do more descriptive text John Doe style - you did it a tad in the linked text (namely when you're describing the guard), but I think you could push it farther, with more smarmy quips as you're talking about scenery and whatnot. It works really well with your character, yeah?

The only suggestion I am willing to make is that sometimes with how lively your character is, a description that would work for any other writer seems almost boring. For instance, when he's melting the bars on the jail, there is nothing innately wrong with it and it does what it needs, but I feel like you could make it into such an interesting, hilarious scene in a breeze. You'll just have to write it more than an hour before the deadline

But, yeah, I've definitely been enjoying reading your thread so far.

Okay, cats, I'm up! Wall of text warning, but it's my latest post so eh.
http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showpost.ph...stcount=19