Need some help

[Saz]

Hey, i'm currently doing this roleplay http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...20936&sid=

I've only done two posts but i'm at a loss, I haven't been roleplaying for long, atleast not free form. I just feel that i'm not going to improve without someone telling me where i'm going wrong and what I should do to get better. I know there's some kind of rule where you have to C&C someone to have someone do so to you, but my advice would be redundant and so I should be the exception to the rule. =D

[Mal Nova]

Well, unless I missed it, Namek is always day because it has two suns.

What the hell is a ship like that doing on this tiny insignificant planet? That ship reminds me of the kind of ship that space pirates often use.... the blonde haired alien tryed to contemplate what purpose the ship had for being on Namek.

Instead of changeing the font, maybe you should italicize the thoughts.


Other then that I don't see any problem with it. YOur style of writing is decent, and I liked reading it and wasnt bored reading it.

And it looks to me like you are well on your way to creating a story, so go where your flow takes you andd develop your character.

[Saz]

Well i'm surprised, I expected quite a negative response. Well thanks for your help, from now on I will italictize the thoughts.

If anyone else has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

[Mal Nova]

Nope. It was interesting enough.