04-08-2010, 11:37 AM
"Right." Belle swallowed, her eyes fixed vaguely in the distance. "My turn."
Turn; as if this were some sort of game. Spin the bottle, and see whose turn it was to spill their life story. She detested the idea of exposing herself on principle. She had kept her memories under lock and key for so long that, when she opened her mouth to speak, the words refused to come.
Still, Kaden had held up his end of the bargain. Belle had given him her word as a man that she would follow through, and she was going to be damned if she lost that part of herself to her hateful body.
She played a lock of hair between her fingers, lips pursed, and cast a sidelong look at the blonde. She never would have guessed that Kaden had had something so terrible hidden away behind his facade of indifference. So awful ... and yet, somehow, if he was to be believed, the courier had learned to accept it. In Belle's opinion, the whole episode only confirmed her fears of the opposite - or for now, the same - gender.
Belle took a deep breath, then let it out. "I guess I should start at the beginning. Yeah." She straightened a bit in her seat. "Okay.
"I don't really remember too much about when I was really little. The only thing that's clear to me is that I didn't really have a home - at least, not like you city people do. You guys have walls and bedrooms; I had rivers and branches. You slept on beds. I slept on grass.
"My dad was the one who raised me. Back then, I didn't really think it was weird to have just one parent. I didn't know anything else existed, you know? And I didn't have much time to think about things like that, anyways; we always seemed to be moving somewhere, like my pops was on some kind of mission. Every day we would march, and when we weren't hiking, we were training.
"I've been doing it for so long, I actually don't even remember when I started fighting, but I do remember how much I hated it - at least at first. Every day, when I woke up, my dad would do his best to pound my head into the ground before breakfast, then again at lunch and dinner. I didn't understand why he was doing it - not then - and I would go to bed sometimes unable to sleep because of how bad it got." She grimaced. "Imagine like your entire body was a bruise and it hurt to even move an inch, but not moving just made your entire body ache and throb. Then imagine trying to sleep.
"I managed to get past it, though," she said with some small measure of pride. "The first time I slugged my pops was the greatest feeling ever. Not because I hit him - though that was fun - but because I could tell I had gotten better. It made him happy. He said he was proud of me.
"I started to like fighting a lot more after that. I started to even look forward to it. I'm not sure what changed, really." She paused and stared off before continuing; it was hard to put what she felt when she fought into words. She never seemed to be able to convey it right when talking to Sayana or Akiha. "It was this feeling that started to happen when I fought, like I could see more than I could before. I was excited, and the more excited I got, the better I did. It was like being on one of those roller coaster things, going super fast, just barely hanging on, but still being in total control.
"But I guess that's not what I'm supposed to talk about, is it?" she added, catching Kaden's puzzled look out of the corner of her eye. Flexing her toes, she sighed and pushed off the bench, stepping forward and looking up at the night sky. Few stars glimmered above, most of the night's tapestry washed clean by the bright glow of the town's titular sign. As before, she recognized some of the letters in the giant neon, but the full words eluded her. "I first learned about girls when I was still a brat - maybe six or seven, I think. My dad had a yearly get-together with his old pals in the woods, and they brought their kids. One of them was a girl."
She stopped again, then continued after a moment's hesitation: "When I asked my pops about it, he told me about girls. When I asked him whether he knew any well, he said he knew my mom. It was the first time he had ever mentioned her, and ... Well. I was stupid, you know? I thought that if girls were so different than guys, my mom had to be the total opposite of my dad. She would be nice, would cook me whatever I wanted if I asked, listen to what I said, and tell me stories without needing me to get her a beer first. And on top of everything, she was supposed to be a great fighter.
"So, like, a year later, my dad suddenly tells me that we're going to go see my mom, right? He needed to go on a long trip by himself, and wanted to put me up someplace while he was gone. I was..." Belle's lip twisted at the memory. "Happy. Like, I thought this is going to change everything. I would finally get to see my mom and learn what she was really like. I was so jumpy that I didn't sleep, and I don't think I even cared about how scary the city was, even though I almost got run over by a car a few times.
"I remember it was cloudy," she continued, her voice sounding distant even to herself, "Like right before a storm was going to roll in, dark at noon. We went to a dojo that had a wall around it. I remember thinking it was a pretty fancy place. Then she answered the door when my dad knocked.
"I ... can't really remember her all that well," she admitted. "I remember she had dark hair and dark eyes, but nothing else really solid." Her mind flicked back to the previous round, when she had fought the Collector Harbinger posing as her mother. She had known instinctively who it was, though the actual details that the creature had pulled from her mind had probably been incorrect.
"She wasn't at all what I was expecting." Belle ran a hand through her hair. "So ... stiff. She didn't smile, and didn't say much of anything to my dad or to me. It didn't feel like she even wanted us there at all." She took a breath. "Then my dad tried to talk her into taking me, and... Well..."
Belle swallowed again. Her encounter with the Ancient had brought the memory of what had happened back to the surface, and she could see the scene as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. "She said that I... That I - ..."
"Belle?"
She could hear Kaden's voice, but didn't see him. She could almost feel as her emotional walls went back up. She took a shaky breath and continued, her voice steady even as her mind churned in turmoil: "She said: ' 'Son? I think you are mistaken. True saiyans only give birth to strong children. I understand that you wish you were still with me, Taijime..." Her stomach twisted, but she continued. She knew what came next; she pursed her lips, licked them, then looked back to the courier.
" ' I understand that you wish you were still with me'," she continued in a soft voice. " ' But it wasn't something that could ever truly work. As a warrior I have to be strong. My heirs must be strong. What happened, what we were was... A mistake.' "
Belle trailed off. She felt cold, images and feeling washing over her like icy waves on a dark shore and threatening to drag her out to sea - riptides of memory, eddies of doubt and anger and loneliness. In her mind's eye she saw the two adults standing, and a small, confused little boy staring at the ground, his fingers knotted so tight in his pants that his nails were shredding fresh holes in them. A little boy who had once hoped and dreamed of something other than fighting.
"They kept talking like I wasn't there; they kept shouting, and no one would look at me. And that's when I knew," she said suddenly, "I couldn't trust them; any of them. The one girl that was supposed to matter the most, the one I was supposed to be able to trust above everyone else, and she thought I was ... trash. That I was too weak to be her son. That's when I decided that I would become strong -- strong enough that one day I would find her again, and I would prove her wrong.
"So I ... guess that's my life story." Belle shrugged. "Other than the fighting the Construct and finding the Dragonballs stuff." She started to walk back and sat on the bench. "I know; not exactly as big a deal as yours."
"It's not like it's a competition," Kaden said softly.
Belle colored. "That's not what I meant, dammit. I - " She floundered aimlessly for an excuse. When none was forthcoming, she pressed her lips together. "Sorry."
"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm glad you thought you could tell me."
"You kind of forced me into it."
Kaden's lips twitched. "Sure."
"And, well," Belle continued, "I'm... Glad you told me, too. That's probably not something you like talking about, so like... I guess thanks?"
Turn; as if this were some sort of game. Spin the bottle, and see whose turn it was to spill their life story. She detested the idea of exposing herself on principle. She had kept her memories under lock and key for so long that, when she opened her mouth to speak, the words refused to come.
Still, Kaden had held up his end of the bargain. Belle had given him her word as a man that she would follow through, and she was going to be damned if she lost that part of herself to her hateful body.
She played a lock of hair between her fingers, lips pursed, and cast a sidelong look at the blonde. She never would have guessed that Kaden had had something so terrible hidden away behind his facade of indifference. So awful ... and yet, somehow, if he was to be believed, the courier had learned to accept it. In Belle's opinion, the whole episode only confirmed her fears of the opposite - or for now, the same - gender.
Belle took a deep breath, then let it out. "I guess I should start at the beginning. Yeah." She straightened a bit in her seat. "Okay.
"I don't really remember too much about when I was really little. The only thing that's clear to me is that I didn't really have a home - at least, not like you city people do. You guys have walls and bedrooms; I had rivers and branches. You slept on beds. I slept on grass.
"My dad was the one who raised me. Back then, I didn't really think it was weird to have just one parent. I didn't know anything else existed, you know? And I didn't have much time to think about things like that, anyways; we always seemed to be moving somewhere, like my pops was on some kind of mission. Every day we would march, and when we weren't hiking, we were training.
"I've been doing it for so long, I actually don't even remember when I started fighting, but I do remember how much I hated it - at least at first. Every day, when I woke up, my dad would do his best to pound my head into the ground before breakfast, then again at lunch and dinner. I didn't understand why he was doing it - not then - and I would go to bed sometimes unable to sleep because of how bad it got." She grimaced. "Imagine like your entire body was a bruise and it hurt to even move an inch, but not moving just made your entire body ache and throb. Then imagine trying to sleep.
"I managed to get past it, though," she said with some small measure of pride. "The first time I slugged my pops was the greatest feeling ever. Not because I hit him - though that was fun - but because I could tell I had gotten better. It made him happy. He said he was proud of me.
"I started to like fighting a lot more after that. I started to even look forward to it. I'm not sure what changed, really." She paused and stared off before continuing; it was hard to put what she felt when she fought into words. She never seemed to be able to convey it right when talking to Sayana or Akiha. "It was this feeling that started to happen when I fought, like I could see more than I could before. I was excited, and the more excited I got, the better I did. It was like being on one of those roller coaster things, going super fast, just barely hanging on, but still being in total control.
"But I guess that's not what I'm supposed to talk about, is it?" she added, catching Kaden's puzzled look out of the corner of her eye. Flexing her toes, she sighed and pushed off the bench, stepping forward and looking up at the night sky. Few stars glimmered above, most of the night's tapestry washed clean by the bright glow of the town's titular sign. As before, she recognized some of the letters in the giant neon, but the full words eluded her. "I first learned about girls when I was still a brat - maybe six or seven, I think. My dad had a yearly get-together with his old pals in the woods, and they brought their kids. One of them was a girl."
She stopped again, then continued after a moment's hesitation: "When I asked my pops about it, he told me about girls. When I asked him whether he knew any well, he said he knew my mom. It was the first time he had ever mentioned her, and ... Well. I was stupid, you know? I thought that if girls were so different than guys, my mom had to be the total opposite of my dad. She would be nice, would cook me whatever I wanted if I asked, listen to what I said, and tell me stories without needing me to get her a beer first. And on top of everything, she was supposed to be a great fighter.
"So, like, a year later, my dad suddenly tells me that we're going to go see my mom, right? He needed to go on a long trip by himself, and wanted to put me up someplace while he was gone. I was..." Belle's lip twisted at the memory. "Happy. Like, I thought this is going to change everything. I would finally get to see my mom and learn what she was really like. I was so jumpy that I didn't sleep, and I don't think I even cared about how scary the city was, even though I almost got run over by a car a few times.
"I remember it was cloudy," she continued, her voice sounding distant even to herself, "Like right before a storm was going to roll in, dark at noon. We went to a dojo that had a wall around it. I remember thinking it was a pretty fancy place. Then she answered the door when my dad knocked.
"I ... can't really remember her all that well," she admitted. "I remember she had dark hair and dark eyes, but nothing else really solid." Her mind flicked back to the previous round, when she had fought the Collector Harbinger posing as her mother. She had known instinctively who it was, though the actual details that the creature had pulled from her mind had probably been incorrect.
"She wasn't at all what I was expecting." Belle ran a hand through her hair. "So ... stiff. She didn't smile, and didn't say much of anything to my dad or to me. It didn't feel like she even wanted us there at all." She took a breath. "Then my dad tried to talk her into taking me, and... Well..."
Belle swallowed again. Her encounter with the Ancient had brought the memory of what had happened back to the surface, and she could see the scene as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. "She said that I... That I - ..."
"Belle?"
She could hear Kaden's voice, but didn't see him. She could almost feel as her emotional walls went back up. She took a shaky breath and continued, her voice steady even as her mind churned in turmoil: "She said: ' 'Son? I think you are mistaken. True saiyans only give birth to strong children. I understand that you wish you were still with me, Taijime..." Her stomach twisted, but she continued. She knew what came next; she pursed her lips, licked them, then looked back to the courier.
" ' I understand that you wish you were still with me'," she continued in a soft voice. " ' But it wasn't something that could ever truly work. As a warrior I have to be strong. My heirs must be strong. What happened, what we were was... A mistake.' "
Belle trailed off. She felt cold, images and feeling washing over her like icy waves on a dark shore and threatening to drag her out to sea - riptides of memory, eddies of doubt and anger and loneliness. In her mind's eye she saw the two adults standing, and a small, confused little boy staring at the ground, his fingers knotted so tight in his pants that his nails were shredding fresh holes in them. A little boy who had once hoped and dreamed of something other than fighting.
"They kept talking like I wasn't there; they kept shouting, and no one would look at me. And that's when I knew," she said suddenly, "I couldn't trust them; any of them. The one girl that was supposed to matter the most, the one I was supposed to be able to trust above everyone else, and she thought I was ... trash. That I was too weak to be her son. That's when I decided that I would become strong -- strong enough that one day I would find her again, and I would prove her wrong.
"So I ... guess that's my life story." Belle shrugged. "Other than the fighting the Construct and finding the Dragonballs stuff." She started to walk back and sat on the bench. "I know; not exactly as big a deal as yours."
"It's not like it's a competition," Kaden said softly.
Belle colored. "That's not what I meant, dammit. I - " She floundered aimlessly for an excuse. When none was forthcoming, she pressed her lips together. "Sorry."
"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm glad you thought you could tell me."
"You kind of forced me into it."
Kaden's lips twitched. "Sure."
"And, well," Belle continued, "I'm... Glad you told me, too. That's probably not something you like talking about, so like... I guess thanks?"
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