PCIII Official C&C

[Veritas]

Originally posted by Bebi
Jeice: That wasn't too shabby at all, but it did seem to move along far too fast for my tastes. You used description, but it wasn't of the important sort -- such as the mirror on the door or the metal on the walls. My advice is to describe what the other soldiers are feeling, or at least how well they're holding themselves up. Describe the sounds crashing in all around from outside the ship and etc. Just anything that could change the flow of movement, like "Another explosion rattled the bearings of the flying steel beast, throwing a preverbial spear into the heart of morale all around." That's an excessive usage of words but you get the point.

All in all it was a good, solid post. I'm usually a description hoe, though, so yeah.

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...21655&sid=

I'd prefer my second post, but if you want to critic me on the first one too, feel free.

(Yeah, I realize I want to switch characters. Doesn't mean I can't have my writing looked over :])

I thought it was good, I see what you were talking about in your C&C about me, it was long lol but a good read, it kept me interested the entire time.

The second one

I thought that this one was better then my last, with everything ya know? Somone lemme know what you think.