Joining Nisaku

[Nisaku]

Name:Nisaku
Race:Tuffle
Sex:Both
Starting Planetlanet Plant
Profession:King or Ruler
Fighting Style:Sneak attacks when the opponent isn't looking,always be on your guard when fighting him.
Short Bio:Baby's younger brother wants to kill goku

General Description:
He looks strikingly similar to baby except he's green instead of blue,His vest is silver with green stripes,His pants are like goku ssj4's but the color is silver with green stripes,and his shoes are grey though.His aura and ki colors are green.

Starting Abilities:Ki barrage,His ability to steal the bodies of others
Trait:Extremely selfish just like his older brother

Strength:10%
Focus:35%
Endurance:15%
Agility:40%

Role-Playing sample:
Huh you're not goku!Who are you?!I'm his son...
I'm Gohan,and you're dead now tuffle.Do you really think
that kid?Fine I'll you only because I'm bored.Tah!!
Huh where'd that guy go?Hm waste of my time fighting that brat.
Now to find...WHAT,another one!Whose kid are you?!Vegeta's.
Wait you're that trunks kid from the future,am I right?Yea.I heard
of you from gohan and rushed here to defeat you!Take this then
young saiyan!Vlaahh!Boom!!!That should hold him.Well well well
if it isn't vegeta.What brings you here?Of course to defeat me right?
No!I came to ultimately destroy all of the tuffle dna in you!!Ok
you should be a gould warm up partner for my battle against
GOKU!!!!MuhahahaHaHA!!!!!!!

End Sample:
I only hope I'm accepted because this seems like the best of all the rpgs that I've seen.

[Tempo]

1. You can't have any relations to any canon DBZ characters. So being related to Baby and knowing Goku are going to have to be changed.

2. We dont have a Planet Plant so you would have to choose from any of the other starting planets.

3. You have to choose two techniques from the technique starting list. Ki Barrage is more like a custom move. And we dont have the ability to take the bodies of others.

4. You said you have read some of the other role plays on the site so it shouldnt be too diffucult for you to write a real rp.


Once you get all that straightened out I will take another look.

http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=135: This is where you can find all of the information pertaining to the site if you have any questions.

[Vad]

4. You said you have read some of the other role plays on the site so it shouldnt be too diffucult for you to write a real rp.

Not to take over your thunder Tempo.

I think what Tempo is trying to say Nisaku, is to separate speech from actions. Something like:

"Huh!? You're not Goku!" Nisaku remarked with confusion. Gohan looked at the tuffle in front of him with intrigue.

If you require assistance, do not fret. Check out this guide written by one of our staff members. Ander's Roleplaying Guide

If you have any questions, feel free to post here and ask. Thanks for your interest in Chubbs! ^_^

[Nisaku]

Ok I'll change it now.

[Nisaku]

Name:Nisaku
Race:Saiyan
Sex:Sexual
Starting Planet:Vegeta
Profession:Bounty Hunter
Fighting Style:Always goes for the weakspot
Short Bio:Saiyan that travels the galaxy hunting after people that the other people hire me to kill.

General Description:
He wears silver saiyan armor with green shoulder guards.He has pants that are green and shoes that are grey and green.

Starting Abilities:Ki specialization and Regeneration
Traitefiant

Strength:10%
Focus:35%
Endurance:15%
Agility:40%

Role-Playing sample:
I began looking for the highest paying gig in the galaxy for a bounty hunter.When I noticed somebody had walked behind me.That's when I asked,"Who are you?"He replied,"I'm here to give you a 1,000,000 money gig.(I'm not going to use this in the forums).I exlaimed,"Who do you want me to kill!Cause I'll do it right now!Really,"the man replyed.So I set off to kill this guy.His name was Thatius,Thatius the great.And this is to be continued...

End Sample:
I only hope I'm accepted because this seems to be the best of all the rpgs that I've seen.

[Nisaku]

Were it says trait that is suposed to be defiant.

[Android-18]

I'm sorry but your RPing needs to improve a bit before we can accept you. I would highly suggest looking at the link Vad supplied "Ander's Roleplaying Guide" and using it. You have no structure, and we do require you to have a little more structure to your writing in order to play here.

I encourage you to do some writing in Microsoft Word, if you have it or can get it. That program will help you vastly. Do some practice on your own and feel free to try again.

I will break down you RP to show you how to fix it, and you can learn from this:

I began looking for the highest paying gig in the galaxy for a bounty hunter.When I noticed somebody had walked behind me.That's when I asked,"Who are you?"He replied,"I'm here to give you a 1,000,000 money gig.(I'm not going to use this in the forums).I exlaimed,"Who do you want me to kill!Cause I'll do it right now!Really,"the man replyed.So I set off to kill this guy.His name was Thatius,Thatius the great.And this is to be continued...

I had begun looking for the highest paying gig in the galaxy, because I’m a bounty hunter. I had been searching on my own, until I noticed that I had been followed.

“Who are you?” I asked the stranger, but I stayed on guard,

“I’m here you give you a gig, it’s worth 1,000,000 Zeni.” He replied, although I could sense cockiness in his attitude.

“Who do you want me to kill?” My interest was piqued. “I’ll do it right away.” I needed the money, that was all there was to it.

“Really,” he replied, amused. “His name is Thatius, you’ll have all the information you need here.” He handed me an envelope, and as I looked at it he left without a noise.

“Thatius the Great.” I mused to myself. I hoped that this time my target would be a challenge, and set off to hunt him down.

-Now we prefer third person, so…

He had begun looking for the highest paying gig in the galaxy, because he was a bounty hunter. He had been searching on his own, until he noticed that he had been followed.

“Who are you?” He asked the stranger, but stayed on his guard.

“I’m here to give you a gig, it’s worth 1,000,000 Zeno.” He replied smugly.

“Who do you want me to kill?” his interest had been piqued. “I’ll do it right away.” He needed the money, that was all there was to it.

“Really,” the stranger replied, amused. “His name is Thatius, you’ll have all the information you need here.” He handed over an envelope, and as the bounty hunter looked at it the stranger left without a noise.

“Thatius the Great.” He mused to himself. He hoped that this time the target would be a challenge, and set off to hunt him down.

-- You can see that this is not PERFECT and may have errors, however, it has structure. Each new person that talks needs a new line, every new idea or thing needs a new line. The guide explains it all. This is just to show you what you need to work on. If you can get that structure down, you can probably get in and improve on your writing more.

[Nisaku]

so if I fix my rp sample then that's it?

[Android-18]

You need to make a new one that shows you understand what I mean by structure, and shows that you can practice and improve your writing.

[Nisaku]

He had begun looking for the highest paying gig in the galaxy, because he was a bounty hunter. He had been searching on his own, until he noticed that he had been followed.

“Who are you?” He asked the stranger, but stayed on his guard.

“I’m here to give you a gig, it’s worth 1,000,000 Zenni.” He replied smugly.

“Who do you want me to kill?” his interest had been piqued. “I’ll do it right away.” He needed the money, that was all there was to it.

“Really,” the stranger replied, amused. “His name is Thatius, you’ll have all the information you need here.” He handed over an envelope, and as the bounty hunter looked at it the stranger leave without a noise.

“Thatius the Great.” He mused to himself. He hoped that this time the target would be a challenge, and set off to hunt him down. In this envelope it says that he's an evil emperor."Sounds intresting,"He said to himself flying away.

[Nisaku]

How was that

[Android-18]

You just copied my example. That is considered cheating, which we do not allow. You need to make a COMPLETELY new sample.

[Nisaku]

While he was looking for a new gig an unknown man walked behind him.

He asked the stranger,"Who are you?"

The man replyed,"I'm a man looking for a bounty hunter.I'm offering 1,000,000 zenni for you to kill a man.

The bounty hunter exlaimed,"Well who is he cause I'll kill him right now.

"His name is Thatius,Thatius the great," the man said back.

"Ok so I just kill this thatius guy and I get the money.Wow that will be easy."

So I flew off to kill him.To be continued...

[Android-18]

That's an improvement. Now I think you need to add more to it.

Right now it's simply like a script. You should add description, feelings, thoughts. Have you even looked at the RP guide to help you with those things?

[Nisaku]

Part two of the rpg begins now.
So I saw this thatius guy's castle.

It wasn't really anything to fancy when I saw him I said,"amazing!"

The reason why is because his aura never diminishes.

So I chalanged him and the fight began.

I threw multiple ki blastes at him.

He dodged all of them and said,"It'll take more than that to beat me.

But I was right behind him and blew his head off with a ki beam.

I went back to the man and said,"Where's my money?"

But the man tricked me and knocked me unconscious.

to be continued...