C & C For A New Story

[Ander]

My first impression is that you can make a coherent sentence. That's good.

However, I need more material to go off of than that, since you're new.

Maybe somebody else might be willing to share their opinion. That'd be great.

[Ander]

That wasn't an insult. It was, in fact, intended to be a compliment. You'd be surprised how many people who can't put a decent sentence together.

[Piccolo Daimoun]

I skimmed it cause I have to sleep, but I have a few things to say.

Your word choice is pretty cool, some different words such as slumber spiced up the writing. I suggest you throw in a few commas, however, to break apart sentences at certain times. It seemed kinda clumsy at parts.

However, you remind me of someone else, but I can't recall. You ever been to Chubbs before, or been on FoF?