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CDBZ Archive
What to Do? [NO SPAM] - Printable Version

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What to Do? [NO SPAM] - Aero - 10-24-2009

yeah . . . update.


Like 3 weeks ago I saw her. She asked me to give her a ride to mcdonalds, then home. She was with her baby cousin and her bestfriend. I gave her the ride.

It was real awkward. She bought me somethin to eat at McD's. That was nice. Then when she handed it to me she said: "Here baby".

That melted all the effort I had put into getting over her. All I could think in my head was "Im not your baby, not anymore. I'm nothin to you now, just a memory." I never said it though. I dropped her off, she wanted a hug. I gave her one and kissed her on the cheek, whsipering "I still love you punk" (punk was my personal name for her).


We kept some contact after that for like a week. Then I told her two weeks ago:

Basically, that I couldnt be her friend. I could never view her as just a friend.


Havent talked to her since. I don't really think about her unless a song or somethin plays or i hear her name (Stephanie. It's a rather common name).

And I've come to accept that I can't get over her. I can move on, and I have moved on. But I'll never get over her.

Probably because of the "shoulda been" factor. When I eventually have a kid, I know I'll think "this should have been her kid". Or when I get married "I'd should be marrying Stephanie right now".

Or maybe because of the slight resentment. Because she was my first love, but she never taught me how to love. She taught me that I could love, but not how. That's kinda why I feel like her and I aren't finished. But it is.

But yeah. I do love her. I can't explain exactly what type of love it is, but I would almost do anything for that girl. She the only person in this world--that I can definitely say--I would put before myself.

But this emotional roller coaster has stopped. I might not have gotten out the seat yet, but the roller coaster has stopped.