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+--- Thread: [SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) (/showthread.php?tid=12281)
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Alura - 04-28-2008
I can push DA back if I have to. Don't short us out on the saga unless you absolutely have to end it early
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Kaden - 04-28-2008
lawlz
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Medraut - 04-28-2008
Keep on, if you rush it for DA.
What will we do after DA? =[
By pushing back DA, you give us more of a reason to be active. ^.^
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - John Doe - 04-28-2008
Keep going.
And I'll try to get a post up today or tomorrow.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Dehan - 04-28-2008
Yes I'll have a post up tomorrow, you can do whichever with the saga. I'd be happy though if you keep going, frankly I just started a new job today (YAY) working from 4am to two in the afternoon(ouch) so expect my post to be later on tomorrow afternoon.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Celena - 04-28-2008
Raditzu Wrote:Kirano!
Don't think I've forgotten.
*points accusingly*
Yeah I know. As soon as I'm done doing one of my essays, I'll get to it.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Celena - 04-29-2008
Alright Rad. Get comfy.
Quote:At one point, everyone's favorite long-haired wonder had hoped that this would actually cushion any direct contact he had with the tower floor; sadly, that was not the case. Which brought Raditzu to his current situation.
There should be a comma after which, as it is inappropriate to begin a sentence with ‘which’.
Quote:Though it had proven quite difficult to make any reasonable dent in the flesh-like surface of the tower, a blast of energy, backed by a pissed-off saiyan with over one hundred million ki, will do wonders.
‘Would’ do wonders should be used. Using ‘will’ would be acceptable if you were using dialogue.
Quote:Rad's eyes lit up as his doppleganger, the incarnation of his deepest fear, hovered directly above him. The high ceilings of the room they were in allowed for a good deal of movement. Not as much as Raditzu would have liked, but you gotta play the cards you're dealt.
Slang like 'gotta', should only be used in dialogue. It textual sentences, use full English which would be ‘you have got to play the cards you’re dealt.’
Quote:puddled
There’s no such word. Only puddle, or puddles.
Quote:doppleganger's
It’s ‘doppelganger’s’.
I noticed you used 'Dark One' a lot of times in your post. Instead of using the Dark One a lot of times, try to come up with alternative ways of referring to it, for instance, ‘Darker Version’ and ‘Darker entity’.
Quote:The katchin that Raditzu usually kept underneath was also nowhere to be found -- presumably it had slipped off the Dark One as it bounced through the city. And most notably, half the Dark One's skin was charred black; the other half was bubbled and peeling. Most other would have found it a truly revolting spectacle.
As well as ‘Which’ never begin sentences with ‘And’. Neither should one begin a sentence with ‘But’ or ‘Because’.
Quote:"And I never forget that. You understand me? Never. Its always there.
Try to pick out the smallest of errors, like the apostrophe between the ‘t’ and ‘s’ in ‘It’s.
Quote:But its true. You're exactly what I was forced to live with, forced to become, since the day I was born."
Again, as I stated above.
Quote:The saiyan paused for a moment to secure his balance, then shot straight up off the ground. Flipping backwards, Raditzu caught the Dark One squarely under the chin and a soft snap seemed to echo off the walls of the trench.
After balance you should insert ‘and’ followed by then’, as something immediately followed after the pause.
Quote:"I've actually wondered," Raditzu approached the Dark One as he spoke, "whether or not I've done it. Whether or not I've actually become better. Whether I've really become stronger." He pointed an open palm at the Darkling. "Guess I have my answer."
There should be a comma between it and whether, so the sentence should look like this. “whether or not I’ve done it, whether or not I’ve actually become better, whether I’ve really become stronger.”
Overall, you have a habit of entertaining readers with the content of your writing. I laugh at some of the RP’s you come out with. Hardly any dull moments, one in particular was one of the fight scenes you did in WMAT. Working on your grammar would make your work really solid. With solid writing, plus the exciting content you already have, I reckon you’d be at the very top.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Kaden - 04-29-2008
Just a couple things to respond to.
"Puddled" actually is a word. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/puddled)
I just can't shake that stupid Its It's problem. The word processor I usually use turns everything into "Its" regardless of what I type. I never even realized it had become habit until it cost me a letter grade on an essay. Been working on it since. =(
The last quote of yours, normally I would have used a comma, but since it was dialog, I used a period with the intent of created emphasis. Guess that didn't come across the way I wanted it to. ^_^;
Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I try to be meticulous about the little things, but looks like I need to crank it up just a little bit. Glad it was an enjoyable read. I try to put "entertain the reader" at the top of my to-do list.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Belle Hibiki - 04-30-2008
lulz C&C me.
Though I know I didn't do well on this latest post. Describing interim stuff rather than action has never been my strong point.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Dehan - 05-01-2008
My post will be up shortly.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Orion - 05-01-2008
I made a witty comment before but Chubbs crashed when I posted it.
Are these generators in the city or outside? I was confused how you worded it. It seems there's a field around the city so we can't get in, but do we need to go inside to destroy the generators?
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Kaden - 05-01-2008
Go Team Raditzu!!
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Celena - 05-01-2008
What Raditzu said.
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Belle Hibiki - 05-01-2008
Fine! I don't need CC! See if I care!
...
...
/cut cut cut
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Dehan - 05-01-2008
Awesome...Orion's eye patch will belong to Dehan should he fall in battle!
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Mal Nova - 05-02-2008
Orion, I think we can walk into the city.. we just can't fly until the suppressor generator is blown up.
I think we CAN still use Ki right?
On another note.. 17 and Retane! =D
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Belle Hibiki - 05-02-2008
Why did you stick Hibiki with the hot girl.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Dehan - 05-02-2008
Hands off, she's going to set Dehan's puberty into motion!!!
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Mal Nova - 05-02-2008
... I'll get a post up tomorrow
[SAGA] Calculating Catastrophe (Cont.) - Kaden - 05-02-2008
Dehan Wrote:Hands off, she's going to set Dehan's puberty into motion!!!
Hibiki doesn't like las chiquitas.