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[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Printable Version

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[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-07-2009

Dragonball

Months ago, Earth was assaulted by an alien force from beyond the stars. Known only as The Construct, it sought to assimilate all of Earth's peoples into itself and, in doing so, purge them from the planet. The short but brutal battle between the creature and Earth's defenders reduced a city to ash and, although they were victorious, it left an enduring scar upon mankind's battered psyche.

Into this anxious time Belle Hibiki has been thrust. Armed with little knowledge of the world outside the forests and mountains he calls home, Belle sets out on a quest to recover the fabled Dragonballs that have been scattered to the ends of the earth. Legend has it that if ever all the balls were to be gathered in one place, their owner could have their heart's desire granted...

Characters:

Belle Hibiki
[Image: BelleHibiki2.jpg]
Young, brash, and with a temper that would put an angry bear to shame, Belle has spent most of his life alone in the wild. Modern life is a mystery to him, as are women (who terrify him). He frequently lets his anger get the best of him, but usually does the right thing - eventually.

He is an accomplished martial artist with great natural talent and inhuman levels of strength.

Sayana
[Image: sayaava2.jpg]
Even younger than Belle, Sayana joined his quest with the finding of the first Dragonball. Although she is not yet a woman, she has a tendency to act aggressively, inappropriately erotic for her age. Much to Belle's dismay, she also seems to have taken a liking to him. She is very protective of those she cares about, and is willing to use extreme measures to keep them safe.

Sayana acts as Belle's compass to the Dragonballs, possessing an heirloom that allows her to divine their location.


Doctor Edward "Cog" Cognivius
[Image: pom_character.jpg]
The other member of the team that joined after Belle's first Dragonball, Cognivius - "Cog" to his friends - is by all appearances an aging, eccentric inventor. He loves to play with machinery, particularly anything with gears (hence his nickname). He is kind but weak willed, often unable to stop Sayana from doing whatever she wants. Although he pens his full name as "Dr. Edward Cognivius," it is not clear what exactly he is a doctor of.

He is responsible for the creation and upkeep of Hibiki's transportation: a hybrid of boat and blimp that is as eccentric as its creator.

---

Recap:

Belle started his quest in the dojo of Master Long, an aging man who is the adoptive father of Sayana, who had just returned from a trip. Sayana, not trusting Belle, eventually found a way to forge evidence of him molesting her and used it to blackmail him into doing what she wanted, though this didn't stop her from helping him locate the first Dragonball at the request of her father.

Because the ball was located in a permanently volcanically active area with immense amounts of ash and heat that clog normal engines, Belle had to find alternative travel. Sayana led him to Cog, who agreed to use his airship - retrofitted with a new 'engine' - to take them to the mountains. Hard weather assaulted them once they reached their destination and flung Sayana off the edge. Belle jumped after her and saved her, but broke his hand in the process. They obtained the Dragonball after a short but vicious fight with the rock-like dragon that made its lair there and returned to the dojo.

Long revealed that it was he that had hidden the Dragonball after his own failure to collect them, having planned to use his wish to save his now-deceased wife from illness. He wonders if Belle, who is essentially a good person, has the resolve to shatter other people's dreams to make his come true.

Comments and critiques for the thread a go-go here-here.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-08-2009

Posts 1-3 are up at le thread.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Jack - 01-08-2009

I'll read them tomorrow (later today). Very interested in seeing you roleplay the 100% Strength thing.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-08-2009

Thanks ya. I'm curious as to what people think of the difference between #2 and #3. #2 was written longhand in a notebook and revised a lot - perhaps too much. #3 was written off the cuff with minimal revision, save a few spelling errors that the people I bounced it off of pointed out to me.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-09-2009

Thanks to Beer Jack for getting back to me on AIM.

Will be working on the next post tonight. Trying to stick to an every-other-day update schedule.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-13-2009

Post #4 is up, so Jaxx, you can stop pestering me about it on AIM and sending me death threats.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-16-2009

Next post is up. Not terribly happy with it, but hopefully the next will be better.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-20-2009

#6 is up. I hope to finish this little job in about two to three posts.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-26-2009

#7+8 up, with another off-character post. (Promise, this is the last one of the thread!)

Two posts to go. I think. But you know how it is.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Alexander Trafford - 01-26-2009

I'm trying to catch up on this, give me a couple days and i should have some feedback for ya.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-26-2009

Sweet. I've really felt like this thread has kind of lacked, so any advice would be great.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Alexander Trafford - 01-26-2009

No problem, yea the C&C threads seem to be lacking currently. I think that after the first saga, when people are forced to read each other's writing and get interested, and after everyone settles in proper that it'll get better.

Plus, i don't know about the rest of you chaps, but i just started a new semester so i have to get settled back into school as well as chubbs.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Szar - 01-26-2009

Simply put, I love what you've done. The way you fleshed out your characters, particularly Sayana, impresses me greatly. Your posts are never dull, and I always reach the end only to wish that I hadn't. I'm interested in how Belle's going to overcome the poison and beat Jun, since I don't think you plan on having Belle lose.

All in all, an excellent bit of work, you should be proud of it.

10/10 easily.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Alexander Trafford - 01-29-2009

I'm not going to lie to you, i went into your thread hoping to find faults. I haven't read much of your work previous to this storyline, but i'd always heard amazing things. I actively looked for things to critique, faults and the like, and, much to my dismay, i couldn't find anything. I think twice i found myself thinking that you could have chose a better word to fit a certain scenario, since i know you have the vocabulary to accomplish such trifle things.

I was swept away in your tale, it played out like a movie in my head - i didn't have to stop and reread or clarify anything, not even the most minute of details. You've developed your characters thoroughly, but you've done it in such a way that no paragraph is wasted on development at expense of the storyline. Everything works together like gears in a flawless machine, and that's really the only way i can describe you're storyline - flawless. Not only is the writing without error, but the story itself is exciting, interesting, and invigorating.

Again, i wish i could have found something that would have contributed to your improvement as a writer. I'm afraid i'm simply not talented enough as a writer to find faults in a piece like this, perhaps have someone like Ashe, Kaden, Rose, Bardock or Piper critique your work. I await your next post.

10/10

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-29-2009

Well, the next post is up for your enjoyment!

There's about one more post left in dis 'ere job.

Edit: I'll probably be going through this again tomorrow morning and maybe wanting to make some edits to fix any grammatical/spelling errors that slipped me by. This was pretty rushed, after all. What's the process for that? Sending the revised post to a staff member and having them 'edit' it in?

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Belle Hibiki - 01-31-2009

Final post is up.

Thanks for the support and kind words. God willing, I hope that I'll be able to write a story you'll find just as good, if not better.

[C&C] Soldier of Fortune - Vad - 02-01-2009

I read the first three posts. I'm going to continue reading later. I got called away from it.

My reaction?

Holy shit.

Awesome read so far. It's funny, well written and extremely thought out. I'm learning while reading it >.>

And my position is the same as Traffords, yet much worse. I am a plebe and I cannot find anything wrong. =( Or I would point some stuff out.

So far?

10/10

Keep it up! =D