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+--- Thread: [C&C] Jonathan (/showthread.php?tid=14458)
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 08-03-2009
The standard and obligatory C&C thread.
I am most interested in the thoughts upon my posts in the recent fight with Alexander Trafford:
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26298
I think these posts both display the depth of my character, Jonathan, and what I am attempting to do with my posts here; merge poetry and philosophy into writing that deals less with describing the physical movement or scenery of a character and more with the driving force and rhythm.
I'm interested in reactions both to my writing, in technique and style, and to Jonathan. In particular, I am terribly concerned with Jonathan being too perfect, too capable, too able. He is the embodiment of my understanding of Nietzsche's übermensch, and that can very easily lead to god-modding (which I am constantly aware of and am avoiding as much as possible, while staying true to Jonathan's roots).
What are your thoughts?
[C&C] Jonathan - Vad - 08-03-2009
I really like how you write. Something is different about how you explain movement and how you describe the surroundings. I enjoy it and I find it easier to read. I apologize that I can't say more. I honestly don't know what to say.
All I can say is your goal is being accomplished. I see your writing as a movie.
Jon as a character? He's intriguing. You're trying to merge poetry and philosophy and from my limited point of view; I see it.
Simply amazing.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 08-03-2009
Thanks for the reply Vad; it is appreciated.
I'll be replying to your C&C thread when I have more time.
[C&C] Jonathan - Kaden - 08-03-2009
I'll definitely add in some thoughts if you gimme a holler in my "Kaden" C&C thread.
I won't actually say anything till you're not in the tournament anymore, though.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 08-03-2009
Fair enough
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 08-03-2009
Also, could I have this thread moved to the 'Character Feedback' sub-forum?
[C&C] Jonathan - Vad - 08-03-2009
Jonathan Meer Wrote:Also, could I have this thread moved to the 'Character Feedback' sub-forum?
Gotcha.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jesper - 08-03-2009
The writing itself is very good. You have a good grasp of grammar and word flow, as do many of the writers on this site. It was nice to see to a different sort of style in a fight, but like posts with too much action, it's a novelty that eventually wears off. I know you're experimenting here, and as an experiment it was a success, but you would probably do well to mix in more of the actions with their driving forces and rhythm. To me, if matched seamlessly, action and thought can take writing to a whole different level.
In regards to your character himself, I should start by saying that I'm not a fan of the concept behind it. I find that it lays too much groundwork for egotism. That said, Meer portrays what you want very effectively. As long as continue to make efforts to keep him from being a true overman, I think you'll continue to write more interesting material.
Sorry I don't have more for you yet. Keep writing, and maybe I'll have more insight later on.
[C&C] Jonathan - Orion - 09-18-2009
Far out. Do you eat ten pages of the dictionary for breakfast every day? I wish I had that level of vernacular. You use very descriptive words that really illuminate what's happening; I've had no trouble imagining what's going on, although I've had to stop and re-read certain passages since I'm not used to decoding such elaborate illustrations on the fly.
It's interesting to read a character who prides himself on his mental composure. During the fight, you make it obvious that Jonathan lives in his head more than in the real world, constantly assessing his situation and planning each move methodically before it's executed. He even does his best to predict every possible circumstance. And then, when he loses his frame of mind, he actually laments about it vocally to the stunned audience. I don't think I've seen a character do that on here before; crying out in poetry when the going gets tough.
It was great to read about Jon. The use of your large vocabulary coupled with the uniqueness and introversion of your character makes him a curious read. I'll be sure to catch up with whatever else you're doing.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 12-01-2009
A big and terribly belated 'danke schon' to Sophia and Orion.
@Sophia: I can understand your concern as to the overman. I am curious, though. Are you concerned from a literary standpoint, or are you concerned because such a character would annoy you, personally?
@Orion: Thanks for the vernacular-statement; as I'm about to take the GRE, it is comforting. =p
You mention that you had to decode some description. Did that bog it down for you and render the reading annoying or muddy? Or did you find that the elaborate word choice (something I don't fully intend, but is quite natural considering Jonathan's nature as opposed to, say, Krillin) to be empowering to the work as a whole?
[C&C] Jonathan - Kaden - 12-01-2009
So, my only real experience prior to reading Canis was Meer's participation in the tournament on Earth.
Firstly, the thread is very well written. Your vocabulary paints very lush pictures and does a great job of pulling me, at least, into a story about a guy just... living in the jungle.
I feel like Jonathan is reflected as much in the style of writing as he is in the words actually used, which is really cool. Wasn't quite sure if that was intentional or not.
My only real criticism, amusingly, is pretty much the same you gave me. Like Kaden, Meer strikes me as someone who will, in the long run, become predictably unpredictable if he doesn't stagnate first.
I see a lot of parallels between Meer and Raditzu. Having a character who's only real motivators are his own whims is as much a burden as it is a boon. It allows for unrivaled situational flexibility, but can make it tiresome for the writer to find ways to motivate the character in a believable manner. Hopefully you have an overarching plan for where Meer will go, because he's a great character that I would hate to see fade out.
If any other thoughts come to mind, I'll definitely throw them up.
[C&C] Jonathan - Orion - 12-02-2009
Jonathan Meer Wrote:@Orion:
You mention that you had to decode some description. Did that bog it down for you and render the reading annoying or muddy? Or did you find that the elaborate word choice (something I don't fully intend, but is quite natural considering Jonathan's nature as opposed to, say, Krillin) to be empowering to the work as a whole?
Myself personally? No, I don't find it distracting. I enjoy reading stuff that transcends every day words, if it is done well, which I found that you do. I know other people get frustrated when they don't understand words, but I like reading it, and it also gives me a chance to expand my vocabulary. I think it's a good style for you and I'd encourage you to not dumb it down.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 01-22-2011
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?p=548887#post548887
I'm trying something a bit new, both with Jonathan, and with the writing. Wouldn't mind a bit of feedback.
Of course, any and all feedback will be promptly returned.
[C&C] Jonathan - Sigfried Hunin - 01-22-2011
I like it, for the most part. To be honest I want to hear this message he's been attempting to preach. Maybe there isn't one, and there is something to be said about that. I liked the first posts a lot more than the later ones. Getting too stylistic honestly kills it for me. Too much "artsy"ness just makes me angry for some reason. It's nothing personal lol
It's a mental journey, certainly. If you're going for the fragmentation that you get from the short posts its working. You are piecing together a puzzle, I get that, but perhaps consider what good longer exposure might do you. Just a thought.
[C&C] Jonathan - Jonathan Meer - 01-22-2011
The message is a special thing. It isn't a void by any means, but I doubt it will ever be conclusively delivered.
There are hints at it throughout that piece, particularly (and especially in my earlier work). It is, of course, riddled with contradiction and nonsense.
Cheers for the response; understood on the artsiness. I only like reading it if it's done well, and it often isn't. Fun as hell to write, though.