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+---- Thread: [Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion (/showthread.php?tid=16217)
[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Vad - 01-10-2011
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[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Jonathan Meer - 01-10-2011
I like where the threads of her (his?) writing is going. Good quality in this first bit.
For the Update, I suggest writing up something a bit involved, to indicate just how much of this war and her decisions is now out-of-her-hands. IC, I mean. Obviously the person writing as Iris (it's a second chara, isn't it?) will have decisions to make.
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Tentative Update (barebones, to be fleshed out)
Iris is cranked through the system, past desks, past tests, past needles extracting blood; she is pinched and prodded and measured. Finally, a heavy backpack is dropped in her hands, and a pamphlet laid on top; the crowd that mills about her begins to spread away until her feet stop moving, and the maw of a crammed military vehicle stands before her, ready to receive her and cart her off to the 18th Military Regiment, and the corresponding combat front.
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Don't want to put anything beyond that, really; she can still run. But there can be flavor her to inspire further writing. Might have a Commander announce the nature of the distinction between troop and warrior, and the nature of the war. Or something like that.
[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Jonathan Meer - 01-10-2011
Ok, nix the above (mostly). Iris is now in the barracks.
There isn't a whole lot to update here; just'a filler post.
[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Vad - 01-11-2011
I love Iris. I love the emotion that I felt in her thoughts and the fear she experienced when registering. Similarly to other characters I felt the urge to help her. I have no problem with your suggested update.
[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Jonathan Meer - 01-15-2011
Pretty standard.
Tentative Update: Her Jeep, on the way, is ambushed. Private Andrews is killed almost immediately by a ki blast from a Warrior, while a handful of troops attack.
The Warrior's CA is roughly 800. An even fight.
[Mercy] Another Man's Treasure Discussion - Kaden - 01-15-2011
Sounds like a solid plan. Not a whole lot else to go off of. The posts were good, just not... progressive? I think that's the right word.