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+--- Thread: [BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review (/showthread.php?tid=16574)
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Jonathan Meer - 04-04-2011
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?p=554996#post554996
Will be closed to voting after three days (as long as five posts have been reached).
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Alexander Trafford - 04-05-2011
Belle: I enjoyed both of your posts in this round more than those in the previous round. Everything seemed more crisp and clear. There were a few grammatical errors that forced me to go back and read the sentence again, but not too many. Another problem I noticed is that some of your descriptions were awkward, for lack of a better word. There was nothing technically wrong with them, and it probably comes down to reader preference, but I remember thinking ‘meh’ as I read it. An example that demonstrates both problems I noticed:
“The warriors was already hurtling at Belle's landing site with full speed, one arm in front, forearm cocked across his body, ready to block, with the other at his side flattened like a spade.”
The warrior was already hurtling. I was confused at first because I thought you meant they were both hurtling towards Belle’s landing site, but then I thought, how could Belle be hurtling towards where he already was? He must mean Mal is hurtling, so the plural is incorrect. Not a big deal. Also the description ‘Belle’s landing site’ didn’t sit well with me. Hurtling towards Belle’s position, for instance, sounds better in my mind. But that’s not really a big deal.
Overall I enjoyed both of your posts. I like the character, I like your style, and I especially liked how you described and carried out Belle’s transformation into a Super Saiyan, and how you used the screens to have Belle see himself.
Mal: You are showing a lot of improvement. There are still some of the old problems with grammar and spelling, but they are less noticeable. The main problem I had with your RP was that a lot of the sentencing and descriptions were confusing, and sometimes you would use the same word twice in a sentence (a pet peeve of mine, I like vocab variance). For example:
“The Namek looked above and saw a blimp hosting highlights of his and his opponents highlights.”
Using highlights twice in the same sentence doesn’t read well, and opponents should be possessive since it is the opponent’s highlights. The description ‘blimp hosting highlights’ doesn’t really read too well. It would sound better if it said “saw a blimp displaying both his and his opponent’s highlights.” Or something.
Vote: Belle
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Aero - 04-06-2011
Belle
You seemed to iron out some of the wrinkles you had against me. Everything seemed more fluent. You even captured Mal's character relatively well, which I personally think is difficult. There were more technical errors in this round (likde Alex said), but overall very pleasant to read.
Mal
You still steadily improving. The technical side seemed a little better. However, you only posted once. And, because of that, you lost browney points.
Belle gets my vote. Mostly by default. Shame too, because I thought Mal had a puncher's chance.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Mal Nova - 04-06-2011
Hmm captured my guy well? I guess I should read it all eh?
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Edward Reynolds - 04-06-2011
Belle: I think you managed to hammer out a lot of the bumps you had in your bout with Aero. Even after a hiatus, I still find the character of Belle enjoyable, as I did in years long ago, like when he was tackling giant scorpions and tearing shit up. Very good posts. I really can't find much fault in them other than minor technical stuff that I'm sure I've screwed up in countless posts of mine as well.
Mal: I think your post was good. It was on-par with your posts when you took on Doe, and I'd like to see you continue to improve. Unfortunately, you only posted once, which was an obvious downside to your performance. Keep up the work outside of the tournament, and who knows, I may read your stuff.
Belle
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Shou - 04-07-2011
Mal: You seemed to give up on your own writing as you were writing it. The quality is getting better, but I feel you just needed a bit more detailing on the actual fight. You'll get there eventually. Now C&C some shit.
Belle: These posts were smoother in transition than your last couple and I like how you tied in previous encounters with Mal's characters. I couldn't find time to read the entire second post, but I'll get around to that as you have a good grip on your character perspective.
Belle.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Sigfried Hunin - 04-07-2011
Mal:
You are always improving. I didn't know you from before the changeover, and I don't know if you were around or whatever, but I remember rolling up as Gozen and thinking you were kind of a joke. You've certainly improved, and by a lot. You need to edit your stuff a little more (not one to talk, but even if the pot calls the kettle black, they're both still black.) You use a shitton of titles, but I think it adds to your character. Just keep on writing, and keep on reading. You'll get better just like the rest of us are.
You wrote like, 80% of your first post NOT about fighting. That's a downside to me. Also, ya missed a post. That's a killer right there. Now your one post has to be all kinds of badass in comparison to the other person's 2.
Belle:
I love the way you describe the way your character feels. When he transforms, when he powers up, it's an emotional experience to read it. That's pretty dope. You carry a lot of your character through dialog and introspection. You can share your character through your words too, you can blend poetry and prose to make us feel your character through the words "he" uses in his experience of the world. That's just IMO, however. Sometimes things just seem a tad dry, you dig?
Your first post was more talk with Mal (for the most part) which is ok, but once again I kinda wanna read about fighting in a competition about fighting.
Belle is the winner here.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Alexander Trafford - 04-07-2011
Votes:
Belle Hibiki: 5 (-1, no grade [yet] in Orsalis v. Edward) = 4
Mal Nova: 0
Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Belle Hibiki - 04-07-2011
Still has 5 hours to go. But, and I hope Mal doesn't think I'm being presumptuous, I will start working on a wrap-up post.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Alexander Trafford - 04-08-2011
Final Tabulation:
Belle: 5 Votes
Mal: 0 Votes
Belle wins and advances to the semi final.
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Jonathan Meer - 04-08-2011
Alexander Trafford Wrote:Final Tabulation:
Belle: 5 Votes
Mal: 0 Votes
Belle wins and advances to the semi final.
Yup
[BT1-QF] Mal Nova v Belle Hibiki Review - Belle Hibiki - 04-08-2011
Resolution added.
Overcomplicated explanations of final attacks, get.