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+---- Thread: I was told to come here can i join? (/showthread.php?tid=34386)
I was told to come here can i join? - Bardock - 09-01-2006
Read this. All of it.
And patience. You'll get there.
One thing I should have mentioned was about the shooter's reaction. He'd be pretty damn sure he killed Maraikoh, so why isn't he surprised that the dinosaur is alive? I would be. Not only do you have to take into account about Maraikoh, but you need to think about character reactions. The shooter wouldn't just accept that the person he killed would be alive unless he had a very good reason not to, so you can either provide that reason or you can have every character (minor or not) have a realistic reaction.
Now for some technical stuff.
Quote:Originally written by MaraikohYou need some kind of punctuation after every sentence. It's good to see you are using Microsoft Word, but as you can see, there are a lot of things it can miss. All the things in bold are specific things I revised. And again, 'with' is spelled W-I-T-H, not 'whit.'
After the tournament he went to talk whit Grand Kai
?Could you send me to planet earth I have to make my self clear in one thing?
Grand Kai said ?Yes, if you feel it is so important.?
?Thank you Grand Kai?
Quote:Revised by BardockI put periods after the sentences you neglected to. Also, in the second sentence, Maraikoh is asking a question, so I inserted a question mark. The word 'myself' is a compound word, not two separate words. The word 'Earth' is being used as a proper noun, or a name, so it is capitalized. Grand Kai is answering the question, so to avoid overusing the word "said," I changed it to "answered" and put a comma after it. Lastly, separate dialogue with new lines to make it easier to read.
After the tournament he went to talk with Grand Kai.
?Could you send me to planet Earth? I have to make myself clear in one thing.?
Grand Kai answered, ?Yes, if you feel it is so important.?
?Thank you Grand Kai.?
Quote:Originally written by MaraikohFrom now on, I don't want to see a single sentence started with the word "so." Got it?
So a sudden kamehameha wave was shot from the reptiles hands. So the man was gone only the peaces were left.
Write me another roleplay, this time having nothing to do with what you wrote about so far.
I was told to come here can i join? - Bardock - 09-06-2006
You still there, Maraikoh?
I was told to come here can i join? - Bardock - 09-10-2006
Quote:Originally posted by Bardock
Write me another roleplay, this time having nothing to do with what you wrote about so far.
You didn't seem to catch that part. I meant to write a roleplay with Maraikoh doing something different.
Now, I understand you are excited to join, so here's the deal: follow the above instruction. That will be your test. If I think you've passed the test, I'll graduate you and you can join. Understand?
I was told to come here can i join? - Bardock - 09-11-2006
I'll graduate you with the minimum. Only continual roleplaying will make you better.
Now, take that roleplay and post it in a join application to get a second opinion. If they say you're good enough, you can join.