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+---- Thread: Thoughts? (/showthread.php?tid=3677)
Thoughts? - Hellfighter 17 - 12-11-2004
I was wondering if anyone could give me their thoughts on this, I don't just tell me it is sad or something like that, I know it is depressing.
BTW, this was hard to not write in past tense
Here it goes:I always tried to figure out why me, what made me different, why was I the target. I had always been a little above average in the academics area, I had almost been skipped a grade even. Why would this be happening to somebody who could possibly have a bright future. I am a bit conceited, for if I did not think myself higher than others, then I could not tolerate it.
Toleration was the only thing that got me through the day, even through the hour. Many a times I would sit by myself in school during group projects, for nobody would want to work with me, as if I had some sort of deadly infection that they could receive if they came near me. It was a mystery to myself that they would shun him like that, for they had to know that he was not just a common kid, he was exceptional, they would not even use him for their own gain. But knowing that I was superior, even in the least bit would be able to make me keep on going.
I am not saying that I was a genius of some sorts, but I was still above average, and that was good enough for me. If they wanted to dispise me even half as much as I had grown to, they should not treat me the way they did, they should not treat even one person in the world, as they did me. I was not treated as bad as could possibly be, but I was still tormented.
The days were long and seemed as though they were never going to end. I counted down every minute some days to pass the time, especially when I had finished my work in class, which was very often. Each time I looked over to somebody they would glance back at me and give me a cold stare that made me want run away and just forget all of it. Forget everything that had happened to me and was happening to me. I lost all confidence in mankind, for they had betrayed me. I was looked down upon by society and was not accepted. I was a zebra in the middle of downtown, I did not fit. I was not wanted, except as prey. I was open for anybody to sink their claws in me, I was practically defenceless. The only thing I had was my perseverance, but even that was fading within me.
I had to escape it somehow, I knew one alternative, but even I would not resort to that, at least not yet. For that would mean that they won for good, but I wanted to extract revenge out on them someday, 25 days from now, or 25 years from now, no matter the cost, I shall steal their souls and reclaim mine. The only problem is that I would need to keep on going to the surroundings that were causing such horrific pain for me that I had started a overwhelming hatred for them, the hatred is what fueled my perseverance, which kept me going. It was a ugly cycle, if they weren't mean to me I would keep on going because of that, but I keep on going because they dislike me. I would have preferred the first one though, as it would have gone by much quicker.
I knew that I was destined for something, anything. I just desired to not end up as another person walking down the street, just another person you trudge by and pay no attention to. It was unbelievable how my family could not see what a situation I had been put into, I had not told them anything, but I just couldn't tell. I didn't have the courage, for I feared that if I tried to stop it, it would only become worse. That if I tried to kill the flame, it would only get brighter. That I had no choice but to stick it out without a peep from my mouth. If I was to tell them myself to stop, I would suffer the consequences later at their hands, at their own choices of how to deal with it.
Eventually it became to much to bear for me alot of times, I would have fits of rage at the grounds of all my least favorite events in life. I would become consumed with the hatred and it would take control of me and I would just knock somebody out with one punch. Whether it be a sucker punch or a fair one, I did it. For they would deserve whatever came to them, unless it was appraise. Which was given to them by their fellow peers, that they had angered me so much I "spazed" as they called it, I called it justice.
I had to think of a course of action eventually for my current methods would not work forever, especially when I entered secondary school, then it would truly begin for me, the trip to hell would begin and that I was just on a plateau between the planet's rocky surface and the deep fiery depth of hell that I would be sent to by the all of them.
Thoughts? - Hellfighter 17 - 12-11-2004
Usuallysomebody would say something in like 1 hour at least.
I wrote in that style because I am reading a book where it is in 1st or 2nd person I forget. So I just thought I would try it out.
Thoughts? - Hellfighter 17 - 12-13-2004
Thanks MM, I forgot what I wrote until I got back since I was writing a piece similiar to it and I got confused. But now i remember it and thanks for the appraisel. I just read a bit of a book in 1st person, and I suck at it compared to it.
Thoughts? - Zarbon - 12-13-2004
You have written the story of my life.
Thank you, that was quite a treat. Well done.