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+--- Thread: Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! (/showthread.php?tid=40437)
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Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Saz - 08-10-2007
Post here some of the funniest Chuck Norris jokes/facts. Here are some of my favourites.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Kami - 08-10-2007
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Blind Man - 08-10-2007
This is some Barrens chat shit right here.
Chuck Norris divides by zero.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Bujin - 08-10-2007
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
One time, somebody asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck merely stared at him until he exploded.
A company decided to can Chuck Norris' urine and make a beverage. This beverage is known as Red Bull.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Kami - 08-10-2007
When Chuck Norris was born he punched his way out of the womb, then immediately upon exiting he grew a beard. He then roundhouse kicked the doctor in the face.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - The Not Cool Not Tapion - 08-10-2007
Chuck Norris has a big pen0r
lolz
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Saz - 08-10-2007
^ XD
Bujin Wrote:One time, somebody asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck merely stared at him until he exploded.
That's a pretty good one.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Kami - 08-10-2007
Behind Chuck Norris's beard is another fist
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Bojack - 08-11-2007
"When Chuck Norris does push ups, he does not rise, he pushes the world down." - Chuck Norris
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Krillin - 08-11-2007
Chuck Norris once held a karate expo in China. With his first roundhouse kick, a massive sexual vortex was created, and all women in a thousand-mile radius immediately became pregnant.
Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Sammah - 08-11-2007
Krillin Wrote:Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
Awesome... just awesome. lol
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Minoshia - 08-12-2007
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, unfortunately chuck norris has never cried.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Violet - 08-12-2007
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Bujin - 08-12-2007
Violet Wrote:If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
xD xD xD
Okay, continue.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Aero - 08-12-2007
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and crap it out solved.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Paragus - 08-12-2007
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.
Outer Space only exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Saz - 08-12-2007
Violet Wrote:Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
For some reason this one hand me in stitches. =D
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Aero - 08-12-2007
Paragus Wrote:Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.
I remember reading that one on a website. It was probably my favorite.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Saz - 03-18-2008
This thread is just full of win.
Yay, time for some Chuck Norris jokes! - Uno - 03-19-2008
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
They tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.