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+--- Thread: C&C prz (/showthread.php?tid=6084)
C&C prz - Android-18 - 12-04-2005
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/thread.php?threadid=14426&sid=
I kinda like this one, but I'd like to know what others think. I know it got a little dry at some parts, but I was multitasking lol.
C&C prz - Ander - 12-06-2005
One thing I will give you is that you're incredibly vivid when it comes to describing Eighteen's feelings, and putting them into effective metaphors and similes. I can completely sympathize and empathize. You really know how to portray your character's mental and physical state. I find myself wondering if you're manifesting sometimes, but that's really none of my business. The scenery and environment you picture is so perfect that I can flawlessly visualize it in my head. You do have slight grammatical and capitalizational errors, the most obvious one being...
Quote:Originally posted by Android-18
?The HQ. Where are you?? She answered and then inquired.
The first word after dialogue, unless it begins a separate sentence, isn't capitalized. That and a lot of your beginning quotations are backwards. I'm not going to lie. That kinda bothers me. But it's not a big deal.
What I most like is that you can completely and seamlessly run the emotional gamut: intimate to humorous, confusion to clarity, etc.
Overall, I really don't see any problems with it. You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.
C&C prz - Android-18 - 12-06-2005
Well I don't know how to fix the backward quotes, it's been happening laely on Word.
Dialogue is my weak point, no matter how many times I'm taught it, I never do it right. But thank you.
C&C prz - Hellfighter 17 - 12-06-2005
You have to copy and paste ones that are facing the right way. =/ I've had to do it once or twice as well.
C&C prz - Broli - 12-07-2005
One thing I *always* have issues with and that my writing teacher always points out (I noticed because of Bardock's mention of your quoting) is how I do my lead ins for the quote. Try leading in a quote other than the simplistic "he said/she said/he yelled/she roared."
Again, something I have to deal with myself, but yeah...