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+--- Thread: C&c? (/showthread.php?tid=6116)
C&c? - Ander - 12-06-2005
You have a very good grasp of mechanics, so fortunately I don't have to pick over those. However, I do have a couple of things to point out.
Quote:Originally posted by Corniss
The ground beneath him buckled, but sustained its shape.
This sentence, while an excellent attempt, seems a little awkward to me. I assume you are describing the ground beneath him either caving in or being structurally altered because of his power output. I just really didn't like that sentence being used to portray that specific occurance.
Quote:Originally posted by Corniss
Suddenly he threw down his arms while forcefully stretching to his full height and arching his back the opposite way. A fiery battle cry sounded as a radiant cobalt aura erupted from the saiya-jin. The ground in a wide radius around him was consumed but the energy.
While your description is clear enough, the action seems a little weird to me. The last sentence is also similar to the one I posted above.
Other than that, you're doing pretty well.