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+--- Thread: C&C appreciated (/showthread.php?tid=6430)
C&C appreciated - Old Captain Silver - 01-11-2006
Could I get som C&C on the spar I am having with piccolo?
Spar: Piccolo vs Furiza
thanks in advance
C&C appreciated - Old Captain Silver - 01-15-2006
Changeling bumpsu
C&C appreciated - Ander - 01-31-2006
Sorry for the wait, guy. It's interesting to see a new style for Frieza. Took me a second to remember that there was a character swap for the last one.
You have a pretty good grasp of spelling and grammar, so I can actually read your work without too much effort, which is a good thing. One thing you don't seem to want to do is:
Quote:Originally posted by Frieza
?Crystal Air,? he shouted as he forcefully threw something in the namekians direction.
You keep using the possessive form of "namekian" without using an apostrophe. It should be "namekian's." Might I also recommend that you swap out "namekian" for a different pronoun every once in a while? If you roleplay closer to your character's point of view and don't use another character's name until yours learns it (as do I), there are more ways of referencing than simply using their species classification. That goes for any use of pronoun, as well.
Quote:Originally posted by Frieza
?The names Piccolo by the way,? he added.
Contraction for "name is" and requires an apostrophe.
Other than that, I don't have too much for you. You've obviously put at least a little thought into your posts to keep the fighting from getting stale. Keep up the good work.