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+--- Thread: Loook. A llllama. (/showthread.php?tid=8574)
Loook. A llllama. - Old Janemba - 07-31-2006
Hey. It's Jack again, asking got feedback. Not just critisizm, ways to improve. Thanks.
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/thread.php?sid=&postid=253663#post253663
Last post.
Loook. A llllama. - Old Janemba - 08-02-2006
Hmm.. Improper grammar in the first post, and secondly I would really appreciate some critisizm. I'm about to go over the board and crit two or three roleplays for folks.
Loook. A llllama. - Ander - 08-09-2006
Well, for one, it's tacky to put a little title saying "Buu's post" even if it's explanatory. If it's a post refering to the past, put it in gray italics. If it's from a different point of view, incorporate that somehow in the narrative. The same goes if it's a combination of both: a reference to the past through the eyes of another character.
Like I've said before, your writing is kind of dark. Shake it up with the humor.