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+--- Thread: Yahar, I'm back. (/showthread.php?tid=8748)
Yahar, I'm back. - Sullivan - 08-15-2006
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/thread.php?threadid=20671&sid=
C&C and stuff. And don't worry, she's not always gonna be like that.
>.>
She'll leave pirating during my next go-round.
Yahar, I'm back. - Super Buu - 08-22-2006
No problems in the Spelling/Grammar department. You're already an extremely adept writer, with a good vocabulary. So we can bypass that whole topic.
I chuckled at "Even those who weren't really doing anything knew how to make it look like they were doing work, lest the captain bring her wrath down upon them." You always bring some quirkiness into your posts that make them nice to read. Celipa immediately struck me as the kind of girl that doesn't take shit.
I was totally thrown by the twist at the start of your third post. I don't know if the switch from dream to reality was intentional from the very beginning, but it was quite cool. The following parts made it apparent just how easy it is for super-powered folk. I like how she let herself get locked up just for a place to sleep, and then broke out and flew off when she felt like it.
Only criticism was possibly the part at the end of the third post, which seemed rushed. You could possibly have added more flavour to the 'condensed' bit, just describing how she went about it in more detail. Like, "Before long she had ascended to her quarters, though not before dropping a few coins into the innkeeper's pocket." It seemed to lack that essential description that the rest of your posting has.
But really, overall, it was pristine - there's not much to complain about at all. Your stuff is definitely a pleasure to read. Next time you write something, poke me to read it, 'cause I will.
Yahar, I'm back. - Sullivan - 08-23-2006
Thank you SB, you're becoming a damn good C&C-er. I like when people compliment my work. ^_^
I'll take the rushing into account. That happens with me sometimes.