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+---- Thread: c&c on Writing (/showthread.php?tid=9266)
c&c on Writing - Aero - 10-01-2006
The diseased ninja leisurely walked through Konoha, his feet dragging themselves with every step. He was happy, though his appearance could depict it. He had gone toe-to-toe with a Hunter-nin. Such a thing was definitely worth praise over, for it was unheard of someone of his rank even lasting over a minute with one with the skill and experience like a Hunter-nin. Unfortunately, no one would ever believe his story of fighting the hunter. It would be considered an act of blasphemy to tell such a fable. Hayate would just have to keep the story to himself, reluctantly.
* * * * *
As he continued down the path into the inner city, people had begun to run past him from behind him. Looks of panic filled the pedestrians? faces. They continued to look back as they moved forward. Curiosity had prevented them from keeping their focus solely on running away. Though Hayate tried to ignore the people, it had begun to irritate him. He looked back to catch a small glimpse of what was occurring, but was unable to. He had to check it out for himself.
He quickly leaped onto a rooftop to get a better view, but still his attempt failed. Smoke had shrouded the vicinity of where the people were running from. As he looked up to the heavens, he began to pray.
Oh Lord, please don?t let this be something that could cause death. I do not wish for anyone to die.
His eyes focused back onto the smoke. He knew that something was wrong. He would have to aid the civilians.
Give me strength Lord.
He quickly left the rooftop and jumped onto another one that was only a few meters away. He began to hear horrid screaming escape the smoke as he neared. With ever leap, another scream echoed out. It was exhausting to hear so many people cry out in pain.
With a loud roar he took one final leap, headed for the smoke. As he entered, he put his palms together, almost as if he was praying. He wasn?t. He whispered a few words out and then closed his eyes. A red beam of Chakra escaped his palms and stood straight in the air. It was like a sword. His eyes slowly opened as he landed onto the ground. His saber brought light to the dark area.
What he saw forced him into disbelief. It was the infamous Orochimaru and sample of his followers. He couldn?t contain his horror as his eyes connected with Orochimaru?s. He began to regret leaping into the action. Fortunately, other people were there too. A few of the local ninjas had already been at the scene. Hopefully they could assist in the effort to stop Orochimaru, whatever his plan may be.
Orochimaru simply folded his arms as he continued to stare at Hayate Zanosuke. ?Well, well, look at what we have here.? He said, cracking his neck. ?It?s Hayate Gekkou?s son, Hayate Zanosuke.? He continued, his long and disgusting tongue licking his lips. ?I will enjoy seeing someone of such importance die!?
The sick ninja slid into a fighting stance, though a look of fright was already on his face. He couldn?t restrain his fear for Orochimaru. He was utterly petrified.
?I can smell your fear Hayate, I don?t have to see it.? Orochimaru stated; his attention still clearly on Zanosuke. ?Boys, get him. He is clearly here to aid the effort to rid the village of my presence.?
A few of the minions rushed forward to capture the ill ninja, but he wouldn?t be defeated so easily. He forcibly pushed his mighty saber forward, completely penetrating one of the minions. It was his first kill. Though it was out of self-defense, it shocked him. He had never envisioned himself killing another being. He had to regain focus though, for others were coming. The death he had just caused would certainly be dwelled on in the future, but he had to secure his future right now!
c&c on Writing - Chase - 10-01-2006
Coff Coff....xD
I liked it, though I saw you use Orochimaru (the word >_>) a bit too much...
c&c on Writing - Aero - 10-01-2006
Yeah, I know, but hey, I couldn't think of anything else at that particular time.
