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+---- Thread: Realease....Through a Blog o_O (/showthread.php?tid=9803)
Realease....Through a Blog o_O - Abel - 12-01-2006
So I am going to copy and paste what I wrote in my myspace blog, because it's kind of serious. It's been since my last roleplay since I've written, really, other than little essays that I were only like two pages. So it sounds REALLY emo but here, please check it out. I am going to post other things later, I just need criticism on my writing, and if you could help me on vocabulary for better words, I am trying to get better at that. I made this post as much of a story as I could, but it's a true story of me. I need brutally honest criticism, please.
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Deep Thoughts and Creativity Rolled Into One, the Story of My Life Part I
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Since the beginning of this current school year, things have changed. You meet one of the most amazing people in my life as of yet, and another person comes back into your life. Emotions swing in all directions when an ex comes back into the picture when there's another girl around.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
Then all of the memories of the past come back, getting in the way of your eyes. Emotions blind your true sight, only causing confusion and stress. Where do you go? Whom do you talk to? Questions pound into your head as you can only drown in your own confusion, your own sorrow, feeling mercy on yourself.
And this bottle of beast...is taking me home...
You don't know whom to talk to still, and you try to manage time for both. Your heart is starting to split, your body and mind go with it. You feel horrible because you are one of those caring, sensitive people, and it feels like you're playing these two women. You can't take that and you don't want to do that. But something attracts you to both of them, but in different ways. You don't think about it, but when you close your eyes you can see one of them, but whom is it? The image is faded but you know whom it is, but you deny it in your subconcious, not allowing yourself to choose either ofthem, because it hurts enough. You don't know what to do still, and you feel horrible.
I'm cuddling close, to blankets and sheets
You know you can't be with one of them even if wanted to, but you DO want to, so you try, anyway. No oppurtunity can be made because her parents dislike you...a lot. She is given no trust, and therefore no time can be spent together. The new one, the new face, the new girl, the one whom you fear to hurt, she's there though. You hear about her feelings, and are fearful. Of all the people to like you, as well, and if you hurt her, then it comes around right back at you.
Something happens, though. You are drawn to her. Was this that faded image of whom you held back? You don't know. You are confused, but are given the oppurtunity to associate in public, and spend time together for fun. And you do so, which leads to getting to being even closer. Time is spent cuddling and you aren't even with her. And deep in your mind you still have feelings for the previous one. The one whom hurt you before. If she hurt you before why do you still have those feelings? Confusions takes over and you only act in the moment, and not in the best interest.
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
The confusion turns into jealousy as you learn of this new person that your ex seems to like. Why should it even matter? It means nothing, right? You are hanging out with this new person, but these feelings, the past, the memories, they all rush back again. Do you want to get back at her and make her jealous? Things are already confusing enough as they are, so what should you do?
You make sure I know who's taking you home
The only things you hear about between you and your ex's close friends is about this other one. The one that adds to the drama, adds to the stress, adds to the jealousy. Why does it matter so much? Even she talks about him. You've known though, that she always liked making you jealous. She felt more secure because of it and made you jealous so she knew you did care, but it was wrong, and hurt you more. So what do you do now?
I'm reading your note, over again.
You go home, and purposely make excuses not to hang out with people, but why? You want to think, you want to clear things up, but the only thing you can come up with....well...it's the memories. Everything from the past comes back. This really helps, doesn't it? Confusion strikes, and you can only act in the moment, and once again, guilt begins to put pressure on your cerebelum. You feel it pounding in your head. Even nightly activities that were supposed to 'relax' you just make you think more after it's over, but that's only because your body is relaxed, and your mind is still thinking...
There's not a word, I comprehend
Nothing seems right, as it forces its way outside of your mental hold. Your thoughts can't be pushed back enough and you begin to wear it on your sleeve. People notice, and ask the common questions. The questions that everybody asks as if they are paid to do so and wont stop until you say something. All you can do though, is just look away and sit there, letting it all fade away slowly, waiting for the new day as you practically ignore those around you.
Except when you signed it "I'll love you always...and forever"
Then the ones that truely caused the stress ask the questions. You assure them it's not them, a common white lie just to make them feel better as you share emotions to them, but not the main ones. You talk for awhile and still continue your daily life, it kills you on the inside. You are still confused, and not knowing what to do or how to act, the perfect time comes where those two come up with some to say, just to make things harder. Great.
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.
You hear things about the ex, things you've assume but it only hurts on the inside. You have feelings of a girl, and you start kicking your own ass about it. Damn...time for the self motivation. Ready? Here it comes...wait, no, it didn't come. You can only think about how much it rubs off that you live with a single, divorced mother rather than your father, and many times, that shows, which is why you kick your own ass.
So you do what was easy a little bit ago, you get close to this new girl, she gets close to you, and you begin to fear what can go wrong if it doesn't happen. Uh oh, you are getting fearful, but you are acting in the moment...
What else can go wrong?