[C&C] Kole T. Merr

[Kole T. Merr]

Hey all!

Having been here for somewhere around 5 years, I'm actually working on a character now. The plan is to have this first thread kind of catch us up to where he is now. One, maybe two more posts.

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....post553364

Feel free to C&C (after all, that's what this thread is for, right?)

[Victoria]

It was really good, I liked the end of the post, it gave that mysterious feel. I think that once you dig into the character, form him, and give depth to him, it will be even better.

A few things I could point out. It's always good for variety to use more than just his name. So instead of always saying Kole, say "the youth" or "the orphan" whichever. Don't over do it, find a balance. It just helps for the flow of a RP.

I'm going to recommend you check out this guide if you haven't seen it yet: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17671

Other than that, maybe working on giving more description to the scenes, it was a good read. Looking forward to more.

[Sigfried Hunin]

I'm digging it duuuude! I'm stoked you started writing (again?)

I mean, it's a little short, but what you have is great. Once again, I think the entire scene could have been expanded a bit more and made into a longer post, but it's hard for me to identify where because you did such a good job explaining what was going on. It had a very "prologue" feel which is probably a good thing, but if you were going for a "moment by moment" thing then I think you should really set your sights on bringing in some details.