So, what'd everyone think of new first little story bit?

[Rem-13]

1. this should be in the RPin Discussion area

2. Its well written and I enjoyed it... but it was to short. It was rushed and there was little content to it. For your first RP however it was excellent.

[Kaden]

Well... the abruptness thing was already mentioned, so I won't bring it up again. (or will I?)

However, I think looking at the general formatting that everyone uses would be helpful. Like Piccolo pointed out, italics without quotation marks usually denotes a character's inner-monolouge. Also working on adding detail. Even if you think that something you're adding is completely random, and doesn't make any sense, the only that matters is whether the reader likes it or not.