OMG it's been over a year!

[Hellfighter 17]

Can I be critiqued on this? I am mainly wondering on if it keeps you interested and how the detail is, but more is definitely appreciated.

[Yamu]

I'll get to it...sometime...soon...probably...

[Yamu]

It was a solid post man...you didn't get the respect of alot of people on here for nothing.

Your detail hit well, it described the local without delving into over detail where the reader feels forced to see it a differnt way.

You played your flashback out perfectly, it lets me see what Hellfighter was thinking with out an overly mushy, white cloud around the edge, boring, not to the point epic that most people prefer.

I thought the 'friendly' touches Karl Jax put in HF's stuff was amusing and the mechanical imagery is a good thing to use in any post you can as a way to distinguish your charachter form the run of the mill fighter.

I liked the beginning...any writing that has a psychological aspect, whether it is based on fact or not, makes me happy, so the whole thing with him reading body language won you personal points with me.

The only thing that troubled me was the 'eye' thing at the beginning:

Hellfighter 17:

the artificial lighting caused his eyes his inner eye to contract quickly,

You're to good for silly things like that...

Hope that helped...I wouldn't mind the favor being returned in kind later either.

If you want more on a paticular area or something more specific just ask.