Joining as #15

[Joe Android 15]

Name:
-Android 15

Personality:
-Extremely Ruthless
-Aggressive(Would not stop even if you were on the edge of death or pleading for mercy)
-Calculated(Will simulate whats best for him and when to strike)

Planet:Earth

Email Address/Aim/Yahoo
-Suicidal_kinkass@hotmail.com
-Android19forlife
-joeyatomatom@yahoo.com

Roleplay Sample:
It sucks, but I ll get better.

*15 wanders through the forest path to Goku's house, he has was anticipated and has been waiting for this day, the day of Goku's death, and the completion of his assignment. 13 and 14 seemed to have failed the launch of assasination attempts, but 15 was not like the other androids. He is now half way through the seemingly endless path through the forest, he dug into his pocket to reveal a silver can. 15 gripped it hard in his hands and took off the lid, 15 took a small swig of it and put the lid back on, and slipped it into his front left pocket. He looked as the sky begins to dark. He tilts his hat a little and keeps walking into the depth of the forest.*

*15 walked on, he seemed to have discovered a hint power level somewhere hidden in the south of his location. I wonder.... 15 walked on to see who it might be. To his shock it was an animal, not just any kind of animal, but a special breeded tiger. 15 swallowed deeply, unsure of the tiger's ability. 15 then sank his foot into the ground and clenched his fists together and raised them up, getting into a fighting position. The tiger raised his head to see 15 but ignored him. 15 looked and a smile appeared across his face, as his sunglasses began to calculate and simulate the possible movements of the tiger. ::Beep Beep:: 15 smiled, as he discovered the tiger was no threat to him, he then relaxed his muscles and walked on.*

*The tiger, noticed 15 was on his turf then turned and pounced on him. The sound of the tigers roar could of gave you a heart attack. 15 simply jumped up and landed on the back of the tiger. He rode the tiger around, taming it, but the tiger was as wild as the night wind, it kept jumping up and down attempting to swing 15 off his back. 15 was unpleased by the tiger's nature, and jumped off the tiger. He then raised his right hand and charged a ki blast, and fired it at the tiger. ::Boom:: The tiger was destroyed, bits and pieces of the tiger's intestines flew out of the wrecked body. 15 turned around, dug into his pocket to come out with the silver can once again, and walked on while he drank.*

[Android-18]

The problem with your sample is that you keep going from past and present tense. We perfer that RP's stay in past tense always. You don't need to put * at the start of new paragraphs, either.

Do you have microsoft word? It would help with spelling and other errors.

You should try rereading your RP and fixing it up.

[Joe Android 15]

Sorry >.<.... I see you guys are all hardcore RPers. I have jsut started for a month and am still learning. I sure hope to learn from you guys alot, when I start.

[Joe Android 15]

And somehow I can't edit it :/ But heres the fixed version :S


15 wandered through the forest path to Goku's house, he had anticipated and has been waiting for this day. The day of Goku's death, and the completion of his assignment. 13 and 14 seemed to have failed the launch of assasination attempts, but 15 was not like the other androids. He was now half way through the seemingly endless path through the forest, he dug into his pocket and revealed a silver can. 15 gripped it hard in his hands and took off the lid. 15 took a small swig of it and put the lid back on, he then slipped it into his left front pocket. He looked as the sky began to grow dark. He tilted his hat a little and kept walking into the depth of the forest.

15 walked on, he seemed to have discovered a hint of power level somewhere hidden in the south of his location. I wonder.... 15 walked on to see who it might be. To his surprise it was an animal, not just any kind of animal, but a special breed of tiger. 15 swallowed deeply, unsure of the tiger's ability. 15 then sank his foot into the ground and clenched his fists together and raised them up, getting into a fighting position. The tiger raised it's head to see 15 but ignored him. 15 looked and a smile appeared across his face, as his sunglasses began to calculate and simulate the possible movements of the tiger. ::Beep Beep:: 15 smiled, as he discovered the tiger was no threat to him, he then relaxed his muscles and walked on.

The tiger, noticed 15 was on his turf then turned and pounced on him. The sound of the tigers roar could of gave you a heart attack. 15 simply jumped up and landed on the back of the tiger. He rode the tiger around, taming it, but the tiger was as wild as the night wind, it kept jumping up and down attempting to swing 15 off his back. 15 was unpleased by the tiger's nature, and jumped off the tiger. He then raised his right hand and charged a ki blast, and fired it at the tiger. ::Boom:: The tiger was destroyed by the blast, bits and pieces of the tiger's intestines flew out of the wrecked body. 15 turned around, dug into his pocket to come out with the silver can once again, and walked on while he drank.

[Android-18]

Well, it's a bit cleaner, but I'm sure you'll improve. Here's a tip, try to say "the android" or "the fighter" instead of 15 all the time.

But yeah I'll let you in, I'll PM you your training pass.

[Joe Android 15]

WOO! Thanks alot ^.o

Thanks for the tip.