[C&C] Cain

[Cain]

Hi all. Getting around to one of these now. If you've followed the Cain storyline feedback on the character would be appreciated. Otherwise, requesting feedback on the more recent posts, done in Black Dawn.
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showpost.php?p=...stcount=36

Been trying to follow the RP guide pretty thoroughly.

[Vad]

Jesus. Christ. Is all I have to say. Simply wonderful play on words to describe the surroundings and at the same time I knew how Cain and James felt. I was also linking with Trafford.

There were some areas where you might have missed a word. Like Here:

The trio walked through the city, scoping out the scenery a discovering Mercy-Sei was in fact much larger and more lavish than the first district may've indicated.

Possibly meant to use and there?

Other than that it really kept my attention and left me wanting more. Good work.

[Cain]

Thanks very much J. You roxxorz my boxorz.

[Cain]

Hi folks. I just started writing again and was hoping for a little feedback or any comments on the new story.

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27224

[Victoria]

At some points it was hard to understand what was going on, but maybe that's because I'm not very good at reading other peoples writing. ^^

Does Sven purposely talk like that? If not, it's hard to get what he's talking about.

I got the gist of the RP, and overall you have great ideas going on here. You definitely have a grasp on inner character development, and that's important.

I can't wait to see what happens with your character, would be pretty cool if he could be a dragon.

[Cain]

He talks that way on purpose. Thanks very much for reading. :-)

[Victoria]

That's good, he gave off the right impression then. I could really picture that accent in my head, if that makes sense.

[Cain]

It makes perfect sense.