Jeice's Spiritken Training

[Veritas]

I figured I'd make a thread so I can ask you guys to reveiw my posts every now and then. Maybe even some tips on how to go about the training itself.

First Post

Can someone reveiw my first post for me? Its not long at all, I realy didnt know what to write about...but it had to start somewhere. Besides no length and everything, was it a good opening post for my training.

And my future posts will be much longer as soon as I figure out where I'm going to take this thing.

[Yamu]

Don't worry about length focus on your goals, your post doesn't seem to have much direction...it felt like you were just writing to get words on the page and not really convey anything.

The beginning was good, it gave a good 'why'. Jeice sees that he needs to reach a new level and Spiritken in the way to do that. I liked that angel in Dante's Abyss, that Jeice wants to prove himself as a warrior.

The last paragraph felt aimless though. You detailed the scenery but it just felt unneeded like you were struggling to get up to 300 words.

Not really much else to say sense you just started, but I'll be following it and give you some periodic C&C if you want it. Focus on the emotions though, the physical moments will come when they are needed.

[Veritas]

Thanks for the thoughts man I appreciate it. I'll take what you said into consideration in future posts about the emotions. But I know what you mean about not having any real direction, I'm not sure what direction I want to put it in myself so I'm just kinda...waiting it out till I think of something good.

[Yamu]

Which works, sometimes just getting words down will take you places you had never thought of. You should build a little bit of a map in your head though. Even if it is just one or two bad ass moments you want to happen to Jeice, having a few goals and writing towards them will help direct your writing in a certain direction.

When you get another two or three up I'll have a better idea of where you are hoping to go.

[Veritas]

Ok, I think I came up with what I want to do...now its all a matter of writing it out correctly.

Second Post

I just wanted to describe the city in this post and what kind of things go on there. And I tried to make it longer due to how short the first one was.

[Veritas]

Third Post


Any thoughts about where I've taken this so far? Doing good, bad, ok?

[Veritas]

Fourth Post

Comments would be appreciated .

[Veritas]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....st&t=21818

I was just wondering what other people think of where I'm going with this, and how I'm doing writing wise and such. I'm trying to be descriptive, but not boring ya know? So what do you guys think? Can I get some C&C on any of my recent posts?

[Veritas]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....st&t=21818

Its not too long, but I think I got the job done. Any chance of feedback? Is it at least a good read, thats realy my main concern lol.

[Veritas]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread....st&t=21818

Anybody out there? lol. I donno, I just post in case someone's interested.