Last Goodbye

[Jesper]

Figured I'd make a thread for it. You all can comment on it, if you like. I'll also put up some OOC messages.

Right now: nothing.

[Kaden]

Like I said on AIM, I love me some political backstabbing. I wanted to say that Theodore definitely seems the type, but as your posts continue, it becomes harder to get a feel for him.

I was little thrown off by Kira. While she was described as a maternal figure, an older and more practiced priestess, and someone who everyone looked up to, I think I imagined her significantly older than she actually is. Regardless, her goofiness (I think that's the word I want) is a nice compliment to Sophia's personality.

Definitely looking forward to see what Sophia and Kira's little investigation turns up. This looks like it'll be a very interesting use of mediumship.

As far as the writing goes, a couple things threw me that I wanted to point out. First of all, what's Devan's last name? Is it Baptiste or Bapiste? The first two times you use it, it's spelled "Bapsite" but later on it's "Baptiste."

The other thing was when you shifted to show Theodore opening a hidden compartment in Sophia's father's desk. Up to that point, we had been viewing everything from the perspective of Sophia. The only time that changed was when you wrote a scene from Kira's pov; even then, though, it was set up very purposefully. The shift to Theodore came out of the proverbial left field. Just throwing that out there.

Anyway, good stuff.

[Jesper]

Yeah, it's Baptiste. I blame spell check for that one--it keeps changing it to Bapiste for some reason that makes absolutely no sense to me. Other comments were duly noted. Thanks a lot! =D

EDIT: Actually, I don't know what you meant by your very first comment about Theodore.

[Kaden]

What I meant was that while he initially comes off as a total douche bag, it becomes less clear whether he's acting for his own gain or whether he thinks he's actually helping the temple as a whole and working towards the "greater good." As it were.

One of those "bad guy, not really a bad guy" kinda things. No clue if that's intentional or not, but that's how I read it.

And props for Vale Tudo.

[Jesper]

Oh, right, in regards to Kira: she's supposed to be in her mid-thirties, whereas Sophia is 23 (she'll age with me). I might have flipflopped on old she seems (I might have even written something to suggest that she's older or younger) since I don't really plan these posts until I write them. <.<