C&C Stepping Through the Ethereal

[Sigfried Hunin]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25662

This is the lead up to Gozen's search for the Dragon Balls. I tried to give it a bit of background, and sort of flesh out the character's personality and traits while giving a solid example of role play in different situations.

I know it's a bit long, and I realize there are some editing errors in the first few posts. I'm really trying to get some feedback on the flow of the writing, the character development etc. I've been trying really hard to give the scenes a rich, vibrant imagery so I'm curious to see if I pulled it off.

I'm new to this, so any kind of input is highly appreciated! Thanks.

(I'm going to hold off on posting for a while until I can get some feel for how I'm doing, but I'm excited to write again so get back to me so I can keep on keeping on! Thanks again.)

[Piper Juunanagou]

Just finished reading it earlier, so here's that more indepth analysis I promised you at dinner.

I really like the gradual transition in Gozen. I like how he experiences a slew of failures before slowly returning to levels of epic. I thought it helped make him a little less alien. I also like the ambiguity in what exactly Gozen is or how old he is. It gives him an air of mystery that makes the reader (or at least it made me) want to learn more about him.

On the topic of editting, I will divulge to you my technique. Anyone out there reading this can feel free to listen up now, as well. Anyway, as you're writing a roleplay, I reccomend pausing after each paragraph to read it over for mistakes and mechanical errors. Try reading it outloud so you know how it'll sound to the reader. You don't have to take long with each paragraph, but I know I prefer to do it slowly as I write instead of having to read over the entire roleplay.

Hope that helps.

[Sigfried Hunin]

Indeed it does help, my fine sir!!