[C&C] Piper J.

[Piper Juunanagou]

Well this is a new, neat little forum.

Anyway, uhh, hi...I'm Piper. After taking some time off for personal affairs, I'm trying to amount some type of return to actively writing and actively developing Piper and (as a result) her supporting cast. That said, I wanted to open up a thread in this forum to get some input on the ole girl (and my writing as well, I suppose) to help me best acclimate back to writing on a semi-regular basis.

Awkward introduction paragraph aside, I'm still working on a storyline/job quest from the middle of last year: The Tragedy in Bellavista (I'll include a link at the bottom of this post). It's your token zombie/survival horror storyline/Resident Evil homage. I had/still have many ideas left for the storyline, but I'm considering ending it sooner than I normally would have because of how long it has dragged (OOC-wise) and so I can start a fresh thread/storyline.

That said, I would appreciate some input on Piper and the storyline if anyone out there recalls the older posts or would like to read over the posts I've made in the last two months.

Thanks to anyone out there with some input.

The Tragedy in Bellavista - http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26150

[Kaden]

I'm a fan of Piper. Tragedy in Bellavista was great coming right off of FoF because of the way she fell back into her military persona, as it were. There were definitely moments in FoF where she wasn't nearly as... composed as she generally is otherwise. It shows a nice range in the character.

I haven't read too much of your pre-FoF stuff, though I've meant to for a while now.

[Cain]

I read your most recent post. The prose is really good, really descriptive. My only qualm with Piper is a lack of dialogue for her (and supporting cast). It might've just been that post though. The military persona Kaden mentioned is apparent too, which makes for a fun to read character.

Spoiler:
Your post made a Jill Valentine-esque character apparent in your signature.

[Piper Juunanagou]

Ironically. I felt like I was throwing too much dialogue into my previous posts, so I tried to tone back the dialogue in my most recent post.

I'm really glad you pointed that out, lol.

[Orsalis]

I very much liked the events that occurred in A Whole New World. The story elements were good, I enjoyed the fights and drama, and most importantly, I liked the human element that came through the story.

Sayans were being killed with guns, grenades and clever tricks, despite being these powerful beings from beyond the stars, bent on galactic conquest. It's those nice little twists that I think really help bring up a realistic interest in a storyline. The ability to adapt a mythology to suit a particular character and a particular audience. the whole mix of modern, real world flavor mixed with DBZ mythos is really fun and interesting.

One thing I think you could have spent a little more time on was the actual emotional spectrum that Piper was going through. I understand she feels like she's lost her humanity a little bit. I can see that she's traveling down a dangerous road with the morphine. I can see all this happening, but it might be advantageous to delve a little into her mind and the transitional stress she has to be going through. Perhaps there simply wasn't enough time to really get into it, but maybe next you might focus on how the large number or permanent changes to both her mind and body are affecting her on an emotional level when she has time to slow down and really appreciate how fucked everything is?

Once again, I loved this story. I waited for every new post.

PS: Vad really impressed me with that. I dunno why, but I had a good time with his input. More than usual, that is.

[Piper Juunanagou]

So, after a few months, I got another thread I thought I'd throw out into this forum. I personally enjoyed the thread, as I tried to incorporate a little more variance into my normal form. A couple of the posts in there, I believe, are some of the best work I've done in a while. Plus the last two threads I wrote were all awesome and fusion-y. So, if anyone read along, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. And although he has his own thread, I'm sure Vad wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts about him as well (I mean, it'd be pretty hard to read only my posts).

Danke schön !

Sex in the City: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27826

[Victoria]

So I just read all of "The Fame Monster" and I have to say that I rather enjoyed it. There are a lot of good things in it, a few things I noticed that could be considered for future writing, but overall I think as a reader it looks like you have a good handle on the character.

First of all, the few things I noticed, you tend to use the phrase "within a beat", or variations of it, quite a bit. Not too bad but you could mix it up a little. Other than that, there were a few typos here and there, but nothing really too bad.

When I first read the thread I was worried it would be nothing but fighting and random shenanigans of Viper. I did enjoy her want for life, it was interesting, and I was mildly surprised that she was taken out. In the end it worked beautifully to set up Piper for her mission, and the Dragon Balls.

Piper is a really great character. I think I already told you but I LOVE how you drew inspiration from Charmed. Because yes, when she said "Alien Rifle" and it appeared in her hand, I heard Paige's voice in my head. Not only that, but, it's AWESOME and very unique how Piper (I haven't read much of your old stuff, but it happened a lot in this thread) uses her surroundings to survive. She's seemingly ill-trained as far as a ki warrior would be. But so what? She uses guns, helmets, suites of armor, and wins on sheer strength and luck. I mean...it doesn't get any better than a SHIP getting torn in half...Great imagery.

Not to mention, the sexual tension is JUST enough, not too much, but it's there. Also, I enjoyed the mystery around Alejandro, I hope he remains a recurring character (long-time pseudo villain?). Honestly, reading this thread only made me enjoy your work as a writer even more, and enjoy Piper as a character even more (is it bad that I think it would be hot to...never mind.)

I'm glad I graded your thread. I can't wait to read the rest of it once you post it up.

[Kaden]

I'm glad I graded your thread. I can't wait to read the rest of it once you post it up.

That's exactly what we hope to get out of the community grading thing.

ns

[Piper Juunanagou]

And here I got really excited because I thought maybe you were secretly reading my thread all along, Kaden *teardrop*

Well, anyways, I just finished my recent investment on Namek, called 'The Fame Monster.' While I would have loved to have developed the mind of Viper with Vad a little more, we don't live in a perfect world, and I nonetheless enjoyed the sole-Piper storyline that followed.

If anyone's been reading along with that (or any other stuff on Namek), I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

(and yes, I know I should proofread my stuff before I post it to remove slip-ups, but I'm lazy and wanted to get that fact out of the way beforehand >_>; )

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27962