The CDBZ Roast - Raditzu

[Burter]

Roastee
Raditzu (Mario)

Invited Roasters
Android 18
Bra
Burter
Freiza
Garlic Jr
Kakarot
Krillin
Vegeta
Violet

*If you would not like to participate, PM me and you will be removed.

**Only those listed should be posting.

***PM me when you are ready to post, so I can introduce you. Read this post before starting. Write out your entire roast and then PM me.

****THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN. Everyone involved is welcome to roast everybody that is involved. You don't have to sit and take anything. But remember, it's just for fun - don't make it personal. Just roast back






Hello and welcome to the first ever Chubbs RPG Roast. A roast, if you don't know, is a comedian's way of honoring somebody who has made it far in the business. The "honoring" comes in the form of insults and backhanded compliments.

Well, after one has wasted about a third of their existance on a Dragonball Z roleplaying game, I guess it's important to honor them and let them know how little they matter in life. Which is why Raditzu comes here. So he can continue to not matter.

That's right, the first subject of our Roast is the administrator, Raditzu. A nice guy who everyone looks up to be the goofy, unintelligent leader - that way, we can all laugh behind his back.

In all seriousness, Rad, thanks for being a sport and agreeing to do this. You know we all love you, even if you are a moron.

What we're going to do tonight is hear from 8-10 people that I have invited to partake in this roasting.

These people, Rad, have in some way been influenced by your horrible pun-filled jokes. They range from friends you've had for years to new posters who simply want to insult you to your face, instead of behind your back.

I've included some well-known roleplayers like Vegeta and Android 18, who have also wasted their life here on CDBZ instead of getting laid, like everyone else. Well, I guess that's not entirely here, since Vegeta just popped a kid and 18 is always fantasizing about her British lover. Christ, Rad, doesn't it feel shitty to know BECCA is getting more pussy then you?

Also on the line-up is another of those wanna-be Americans from accross the pond: everybody's favorite Barney character, Furiza. And as expected, he'll probably be too lazy to do this too. On the topic of fat, lazy and insulting, we'll be hearing from Garlic Jr and Kakarot as well.

I also included Bra, but he's canadian. So moving on.

Finally, we'll get to listen from Krillin and Violet, two talented roleplayers and respectable members here at Chubbs. When I say talented, I mean lame, and when I say respectable, I mean nobody gives a shit.

The roasters are welcome to roast any of the other roasters as well. They may not roast anybody not involved.

Anyway, back to the one-eyed wonder.

Raditzu has been here almost seven years. SEVEN years. If you want to beat that, get a turtle. In seven years, Rad has advanced through the ranks faster then a mexican leaping the fence (and ironically, that was him).

When he started, Rad had the lovely job of finishing all of the spars posted. It didn't take him long to realize that what he had was what he call "the bitch work." And now, seven years later, what is he doing? The XTREME Bitch Work. All the work nobody else wants to do!

Speaking of XTREME...that word has gotten bigger then Vegeta's ego lately. What started it? Were you high one night and said "omg, letz take teh E off! LOL!" Whenever I see that word, I slap my forehead in disgust. Kick it up a notch on the bandwagon of Satan.

But in all seriousness, Raditzu has been a prime force in Chubbs since the start. He's dedicated years of service and sacficed hundreds of hours for us, so we can have fun here and enjoy this game to the fullest. Sure, he can't tell a joke and I'll admit: the guy has an ego the size of Texas. But he's earned.

So this Roast is dedicated the one of the most self-absorbed, lazy, arrogant, power-abusing assholes on this website. It's also the man who has done some of the most work, made the most ideas, roleplayed some of the best writing and has become one of my best friends ever.

So, Mario, I hope you enjoy this and I hope we can all have some fun.

[Burter]

Alright, our first roaster is one of the CDBZ's funniest teenagers. He's been here just a couple months shorter then me, and still matters about half as much.

I've read his roast, it's gonna be great so here is Garlic Jr.


GARLIC JR

Two things struck me when I discovered Raditz was up to be roasted. The first of course was that I could totally go for some tacos. You see I like me some tacos. Tacos are what some scientists call, and forgive me for throwing an industry term out there, ?yumalishious?. So I drove over to El Taco Bell and got me one. A little sour cream some hot sauce(see mule diarrhea) later and I was in heavily processed faux Mexican heaven.

Now I?m sure at this point you are wondering what the hell this has to do with Rad. Shut the fuck up I?m getting there.

So Ima munching me some tortilla wrapped meats, having a good time, when the second thing struck me? and then there was a shift. A shift is the only true way to describe it. The cosmos themselves rearranged, as if bracing themselves for the mighty events forthcoming. Reality seemed to bend around my anus. I felt my bowels contract? I doubled over and dropped my taco, stumbling haphazardly to the porcelain shine. I knew this was the one. When my almighty load burst forth the very foundations of existence buckled, yet held firm. When finally my muscles regained their strength I stood and observed my handiwork. It was the spitting image of Raditzu himself, in the form of one lonely turd amongst my ass juice. This was too much; I simply had to save it. I called for a napkin and wrapped up Rad Junior lovingly. On my way out I snatched my fallen taco and headed to my car.

So that brings me to the present. Now? I had the turd to show you but I?m pretty sure one of Raditzu?s relatives swiped it on the way back about the same time as my rims went missing. You?ll have to settle for a crude rendering of it in paint.

Now Rad I got a question here. How the hell did you make it to the top? (and when I say top I mean Reijin and VJ don?t count) I?m sorry let me rephrase, how many dicks did you have to suck to get to the top? I mean I?m sure you did some? er?. useful stuff back in the day? you know... being the bitch and all... but honestly. The amount of work you do right now amounts to telling the ?lesser? staff to shut the hell up and get off your lawn. It?s hard to discern and clear purpose you serve in between you posting the typed equivalent of blowing your load all over the boards.

XTREME
XTREME
WAFFLE
XTREMEHey, get back to work
TACOWAFFLE
TODAMAX!
MAN I?M COOL HUH GUYS?

You?re sole form of humor is merely restating that one fact you seem to hold close to your bosom. ?Man I?m Cool.? You even had to add a U to the end of your name. Just cuz yer kewl.Could this be a hard fa?ade to hide the soft underbelly of a socially inept, morally confused nerd? A stretch I?m sure to find a nerd on a DBZ RPG but you lead me to wonder. Speaking of nerdom. 7 Years? 7 fucking years? I haven?t hit three and I?m this close to slitting my wrists over it. Hang up the torch man. When a person spends 7 odd years on a god damned website pretending to be a cartoon character I believe that is grounds for being lead behind the shack and shot. It?s for your own good really.

Okay, that?s it I?m done. Its late, and I need to get to bed. Rad? Raditzu my boy?.you?re a great guy. You helped hold this site together through thick and thin, bad and worse. Without you, one has to wonder if there even would be a Chubb?s in any form anymore. One also has to wonder if that is a good thing.

Keep on truckin?.

[Burter]

Next up is one of the most memorable and recognizable figures in--well, okay, no. She's only here to make Bra look like he matters.

Violet!


VIOLET

(Enter a big ass overhead with a picture of Mario, a dictionary term below it, with Bryan Adams singing in the background)

Nerd
n. 1. [mainstream slang] Pejorative applied to anyone
with an above-average IQ and few gifts at small talk and ordinary
social rituals. 2. [jargon] Term of praise applied (in conscious
ironic reference to sense 1) to someone who knows what's really
important and interesting and doesn't care to be distracted by
trivial chatter and silly status games. Compare the two senses of
computer geek.

(steps up to microphone in her Raditz slippers and pants, hung over from last night?s little party at Waff?s.)
(Coughs into microphone while Garlic Jr. walks away snickering for some unknown reason. Rad shifts in his chair, his ridiculously long locks shedding on the whiteness of the chair. Eighteen sneezes, mumbles something about allergies, and scoots away)
Violet (looks up at overhead): ?Now, that definition is just a crock of shit, isn?t it? Until you read the fine print, that is.?

(changes picture on overhead)

3. Also known as Mario Jasso, a hubcap stealing, taco eating, waffle punching fruit loop. This rare breed tend to hang around in nostalgic forums dedicated to late 80?s early 90?s anime, geeking it out with dozens of other nerds across the world. This can also be compared to the Klingon followers at Star Track conventions everywhere.

Vi: ?See?! SEE?!?!?

GJ: ?Shut up, Violet. Why are you even up there, anyway??

Vi: ?Because midgets suck, and someone had to come clean up the spew of dumbass you seemed to have retched all over the podium, now sit back down and listen. No?no! Get off my Dr. Pepper! Bad midget!?

GJ: ? I AM sitting, whore.?

Vi: ?Whore?! What the fuck??

GJ: ?It?ll cost you ten bucks.?

18 (confused): ?Did I miss something???

Vi: ?Yeah, the spew from Mighty Midget?s wanker.?

18 (angered, stands up and clenches her fists): ?Want to come say that to my face??

Fuz: ?Oh, shit, chick fight!? (grabs a nearby bucket of water)

(Mario shifts even more of his seat, more from the promise of an all out bitch fight than his hair this time) ?Oh, sweet jesus? and here I thought this was going to be a total sausage fest.?

Vi (Steps up to 18 ): ?Yeah, bitch. Lets fucking do this!?

1 8 (draws back fist, and then retracts): ?Heh, I think I?ll let this one go.?

Vi: ?That?s because you?re a puss.?

18 (Frowns): ??.?

Vi: (Rolls eyes and steps back to podium. Clears throat, turns to Rad): ?Rad, I?ve been here for just over 10 months, and during that time, all I hear you talk about is waffles, tacos, and freakin XTREME. What the fuck is that anyway? How do you even PRONOUNCE it?! I guess everyone has their moments of total idiocy, and it just seems to catch on like a freakin? virus, spreading itself from person to person. I suppose its true that the Blind lead the Blind. Of course, that?s just one eye.

(Sniggers in the background, Rad is getting a little pissed at this point, but chokes it down like the good little whore he is.)

Vi: ?That one eye is just freakin HOT. Speaking of which?.has anyone heard the true story of how this jackass became staff, and how his eye got fucked up? Anyone?

He CLAIMS is a medical condition, but here?s the real story.

Whilst it may be true that I haven?t roleplayed here before January, that doesn?t mean for a minute that I wasn?t behind the scenes watching, observing?I am, after all, the Stalker.


Way back when, when Chubbs was just the little spermatozoa in the owner?s scrotum (the one Rad didn?t swallow), Mario, Tim, Jeroen, maybe even toss Becca in there with the camera (If I recall correctly, she was recording it for Girls Gone Wild- Drag Queen edition), I was outside the window watching like the good little voyeur I am. Of course, I?m just a ninja like that.

Fuz: ?You?re an idiot.?

Vi: ?And there isn?t a cure for stupid. Sorry Fuz. Anyways?.where was I? Oh yeah?

What I witnessed in that small little room with the Marijuana leaf blanket hanging in the doorway, and the leopard print bedsheets scattered around the king size, my poor little eyes will never recover from.

Tim (Rei), dressed in his pretty pink camisole and blonde wig, was workin? it pretty good to Pee Wee Herman porn whilst our favorite Mexican, in his poncho and sombrero, stood at the foot of the bed, hunched over, bare ass to the world. Why he was doing that was beyond me, until I realized that he was simply roleplaying for the role of Little Tortilla Boy for his high school play. It was cute for a minute, and I was beginning to get into it pretty good. Even the bag of cornmeal he had tucked under his arm was adorable.

Bra: ?That?s not true at all! It wasn?t Pee Wee Herman! It was Bruce Lee!! Rei borrowed it from me!?

Vi: ?It was Pee Wee Herman, you fag, now shut up. Continuing?

All until IT happened.

We all know how freaky the Dutch are. Through the crack in the window, I heard the butchered words of Jeroen splitting through the quiet. ?Who?s my bitch!? he yelled, spanking the bare ass of the Mexican; a small, girlish EEP! Elicited from the throat of the scrawny teen. ?I said, who?s? my? bitch!?

Now, I enjoy a little spanking every once in a while, but the way this bastard said it sent shivers of fear trembling down my spine. Out from nowhere, this guy pulls out a three foot long PVC pipe covered in latex. Situating it behind Mario, he repeated his heated cry. ?I said, WHO?S MY BITCH!?
18 (Chuckling): ?Yeah, that was pretty funny.?

Rad ( has a tear trailing down the good eye as the repressed memory comes rushing back)


Violet: ?All of a sudden, an earsplitting scream tore its way through the room. When all was said and done, Mario turned with tears in his eyes to Jeroen, that sadistic monster of all Dutch, and sniffled, ? I am.?

From that day onward, as proof of his bitch hood, Mario was forever marked with the Eye of Whore, that slightly discolored iris that is Jeroen?s signature of ownership, forever emblazoned on the fair face of a young Mexican teenager.

To this day, Mario wears the mark, and through his minioning, his menial tasks, his doing of the chores no one else wants, (because every one knows Mexicans will do anything), he?s attained a position that only a few people can claim: the coveted Adminage of the monster known as Chubbs DBZ RPG.?

Rad: ?That isn?t how I remembered it??

Vi: ?Oh, I forgot how I ninja?d in to shove that same PVC pipe up Jeroen?s ass, didn?t I??

Fuz: ?That wasn?t you, you twat.?

Vi: ?It sure in the hell wasn?t you!?

Fuz: ?I was busy that day?? (emo tear)

Vi: ?I forgot. It was Boy Scout day for you, wasn?t it??

Fuz: ?Yes.?

Bra: ?Dude, my Trans Am can get to Taco Bell in like, 2 minutes. 180 down the freakin highway, man.?

Violet: ?And that irrelevant point means what to me??

GJ: ?I hope you didn?t drive that here. You know Mario will make sure those ?caps are on his shitty Pinto before this roast is over.?

Bra: ??. Fuck.?

Violet (rolls eyes): :In conclusion, Rad, we love you, you fuzzy little hairball of sexless man meat. I am sure one of these days you?ll find a human girlfriend and someday forget all about us peons, but until that time, you?re all ours, and God knows that we just LURVE waking up to check the boards to see your ugly ass at the bottom of the page.

So, with that, Love, Peace, chicken grease, and if you steal my damn car, I?m calling Jeroen.

[Burter]

Here's the first person of the Roast that has an ego almost half of that of Raditzu. If only he had the arrogance to back it...well, wait. He does.

Seriously, one of the most popular writers on Chubbs, here is Vegeta!



VEGETA

Dear Mario,

Mario? what kind of name is that anyways? The first time I heard your name I thought of the Super Mario Bros, why? Because I have never met anybody in real life with that kind of name. Hey? where?s Luigi? I think for Christmas I?ll buy you a brand new toilet plunger, that?ll make things a lot easier for you.

Anyways, as I look back into the years of yesterday? I begin to think about when you first joined this site. It?s then I come to realize, that I don?t remember a damn thing from when you joined. Honestly, I have no clue when you first came into existence in this RPG. Your registration date says Dec of 2002. What the hell was I doing in 2002 that I don?t remember you joining? Feck I dunno, I was only 16 years old at the time, and still infatuated with the DBZ phenomenon. Apparently you were no where near your ?XTREME?-ity that you are in today. So you were basically, a nobody just like [enter noob?s name here]. My memory must be escaping me, because I can?t seem to remember for the life of me many things about the past. Damn Marines and their brainwashing. But anyways, like someone said earlier, you must suck dick better than my wife, because shit, I was here 2 years longer than you, and you somehow managed to catch up, and beat me in the Ki Roster. I don?t even remember when you first got ahead of me, and I?m going to stop trying to remember, because I?m starting to get a migraine. >.<

It?s funny, almost as if it were the real show, you were always one step ahead of me. One step stronger than me, and I could never really match up to you. Mario, the plunger, the Rad, the XTREME being who ate taco?s for a living and shat them out simultaneously. Here?s a question. How long has it been since you?ve gotten laid? And anal doesn?t count, because Josh can only do so much ya know. Or wait, are you a virgin? Is the Mexican?t never had his tally wacker dipped? Maybe the only action you?ve seen was the lotion sitting next to your monitor that your brother told me so much about. Palmela and her 5 friends come over 7 times a week hm? Orgy whenever you want it, and pussy as tight as you can make it. Why leave the computer for the real thing?... Because the real thing is a MILLION times better, maybe some day you?ll be able to experience that for real. I have a question though... is that your natural hair color? ^_~

Ok ok, on a serious note though, I want to give my regards to you Rad since I won?t have the privilege of RPing as your rival anymore. It was hard coming up with this decision, as you know for years you and I have RPed the rivalry between the two strongest fighters on this RPG. It just so happened that I ended up having to spend more time in the real world, than in this world. Cuz I?m sure If I was still living with my parents and doing nothing with my life, I?d be SSJ3 or some shit lol. I?ve had loads of fun with you, RPing with, and against you. Vejitzu was something that sticks out the most, because we were a force not to be reckoned with. I think having you as my character?s main motivation definitely gave me something to RP about when there was nothing else to roleplay. I?m going to miss it, and as I move to a position where I can only watch, I wish you the best in your future here and I will continue to watch as someone else tries to step up their game and test themselves against you. Well, sorry to cut this short, but once again, the real world is calling me (a.k.a. the baby is crying and needs to be fed). So in short, I just want to say?. I wuv u Raddy!