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[Hellfighter 17]

I have not read much of your King Kai work, but I like what you ar etrying to do with this. It appears that you are trying to have Recoome seem more...conceited(at a lack of a better word), that he can do anything himself. You should play even more on his emotion, as you have said, emotion is the best thing to work into a RP. I like this paragraph, but you could have done something else with it.

Originally posted by Recoome
"You told me to discover my limit? and I did!" Recoome raised a crippled paw to chest height before recoiling in a white hot pain in his ribs, "and this aint it!" The giant pressed his free hand to the edge of the chair, and attempted to stand. A palm was resting calmly against his shoulder, drawing his eyes to the source.

I am not about to do an example of what you could have done, because I don't feel liek doing that right now. But, i think you could have had Recoome spring out of the chair, say he si fine, then take a step and have him fall. King Kai would rush over to help him up, but when the blue dude got over there, Recoome would shoce him away with his collosal hand. The Kai would be sroung several feet then hit the ground. His shades would fall off and reveal a very puzzled expression on his face.

Recoome would then get up and start hobling away, and find a place to be alone for a while and coolect his thought, then I'm sure you could have many ideas for that, which would make a more higher quality RP(in my opinion) and it would also help you later on with the quests(I think).

As for the spar now. I do not have much to say, really. You have quite the expansice vocabulary, and you seem to be quite content with inducing mythology and metaphor sinto your writing. I only really have one problem with your spar, when you were describing the battlefield, you di dnot describe how Recoome thought of this, sure he was amazed(he nearly cried), but you never really made a connection between him and the arena. Such as it reminded him of when he was a kid and would go to watch all the big, strong fighters, or something like that.

[Hellfighter 17]

I was kind of thought that, but I expected you to start out pretty good. Quest five is magnificent, if I do say so myself, I love it. It really caught my attention. You are pretty good at anticipating when a reader will wnat things to get going. The first part made me intrigued to see what you would do with this. Your approach, though, is not what I expected. In most of the advice you have given me(which I hope I am coming close to, since you give great advbice), you like to put emotion in, but for this, you went more for the intellectual mind than the emotional heart. I must admit, though, your writing carries many flawless traits.

[Hellfighter 17]

Originally posted by Recoome
You give great advice; its always nice o hear more than: 'me > joo' or 'good job'.

Im confused on what you said about emotional/intellectual writing or something. Did you mean that Ive kind of stopped focusing on emotion with my new 'style' (which I need to practice more)? If thats what youre saying, I agree because I havent put A LOT of effort into my posts in a long time. If I go back to spending days on one paragraph (wont happen any time soon) Id be able to strengthen them a lot more.

Yes, that is basically what I meant. I was at a loss of word for the place of "intellectual." That is more of a general category, since you have been focusing on details and phylisophical(sp?) details(that first RP in Quest five blew me away), if you work more with it you could become very good at it. You just need to step away ffrom too much details at some times, and just let it go without going too far into it. maybe just a sentence or two to describe a punch. Becaus eif you mix great detail and few detail properly, it could become "great."

BTW, me > j00