PCII Feedback

[Orion]

If anyone's been reading my saga, I wouldn't mind a little feedback, good or bad. =D

[Ruhiel]

Well, you've sucessfully redefined how you show the reader the scene. I could imagine everything as it played out in the storyline. Very good description, and allowed us to imagine exactly how everything looked.

However, there are only one part I sort of stumbled over. I think perhaps you overdid your description of "the Lord's" helmet, by describing the spikes to no end. Unless the helmet is really important, I just found it hard to keep up with it all and still allow myself to see what you were talking about.

However, otherwise, I can't wait to see where you go with this next. You've done some foreshadowing, but left an unknown past (with how the cannons were still hot) as well as a foggy future. Makes you want to know what happens next.

[Orion]

Since I'm now Trunks, I went through and edited the posts that Goku was involved in, which has changed the structure of the story slightly, but not enough to affect it drastically. If anyone's still reading it, I thought I'd point that out.

[Ashe]

I looked at it an noticed you rewording things like "his purple aura" and such. Nice touch