[C&C] Civil Unrest

[Sage]

Fffffffffffffffuck.

This is harder than I originally anticipated.

Okay. Piper is a very believable and engaging character, but more importantly, your storyline hasn't been dull. Springboarding straight off of Vad's thread into your own with a great deal of fluidity, nothing felt disjointed or 'hung-up', as often happens when you leave RPing partners and such.

I absolutely hate Father Gomez and I always get noticeably irate when he shows up. So, awesome characterization for the win. I get the whole, twisted southern parishoner stereotype about him, and I hate him. I want him to die, but in the best possible sense of the phrase.

My favorite - and, admittedly, incredibly biased - part of Piper is how closely she parallels Sage. Intriguing, for me, however, is that her reaction/adjustment to her situation couldn't be more different from Sage's.

Anyway, more to the point and stuff. *Ahem*

I have to admit, I don't really react much to the soldiers around Piper. Most of them don't really seem terribly significant to me, so if I had to suggest something I would suggest trying to... I don't even know how to say it. I guess try to characterize them more deeply. If that makes sense.

Your description of Piper's surroundings is amazing. The sense of urgency, spatial awareness, everything is bang-on. I totally pictured the scene where Piper looks down from the skyscraper at Gomez in the crowd below in my head just like a scene out of a movie. It was epic.

I would almost suggest making Gomez a recurring bad guy, since he's just so amazing, and since Piper's own backstory is already so rich, it might really complement her, but I could totally see killing him off appropriate.

And that's another thing. Piper's life up until (and, arguably, including) now, sucks. And we're made completely aware of this, but not in a heavy-handed manner. Very good job, I can only hope I do so well in my own efforts.

For how rapidly you've been revealing information about Piper's past, you've done it clearly and concisely. In a way, I'm a little bit jealous. :p

Good job! I hope this was useful; I really had trouble communicating my thoughts on this one for some reason, so I apologize if it sounds convoluted at all.