Narrative Essay: Need grammar, sentence structure help, etc. Short read.

[Orion]

Pretty good. First up, watch adjective repetition, or any word repetition. Like in your first paragraph, you used 'sallow-skinned' in the first two sentences. Changing it up makes your writing more interesting to read.

In the second paragraph "James laughed. ..." the "you'd" sticks out to me like a sore thumb. When talking in third person, it's best not to refer to the person reading. Here's a rephrased sentence:

It was the tragic, forced sound of a laugh heard from an amputee who was told a bad joke to lighten his mood.

Just to give you an idea.

There are occasional grammar issues, but not many. Eg:

He remembered moving uphill, tripping, falling backwards; trying to sit up.

The semi-colon really isn't needed there. You could substitute another comma in there, or put in the word "and."

The only other thing that stood out strange was this sentence:

They asked him questions, both commanding and friendly like, "Where's your friend," and, "What did you take?"

The word "like" is used in a strange way. I had to re-read it to get the way you used it. I'd either take it out and put a full stop after "friendly," or add another comma directly after "friendly."

Apart from those little things, it reads pretty well.