[C&C] Kaden

[Shun]

Originally I was gunna make a complaint about some of the same word usage, not because it was bad but just because it bothered me for some reason. Then I read a little more and couldn't find any other word that would fit better.

I'm not gunna lie like I've followed all of your posts as Kaden, but from the couple I have read including these, I'm impressed at the fact that he can do nothing but still keep my attention. I also like the...impact FoF had on him. I've seen things where people mention it, then move on, but with Kaden he actually seems a bit antsy. It's almost like without actually meaning to he's freakin' out. The hand through his hair, refusing to just sit down for a minute...

That phone conversation was nice too. I'm often to caught up with the thought that the reader should hear what was said in exchange for the whole thing to go along smoothly. The way you did it though was cool, seemed more realistic. As if I was just sitting on the side overhearing it.

Don't really have criticism, lol. Can't really see anything wrong here but just felt I should comment.