[C&C] Kaden

[Orion]

You're such a bastard. It's really hard to find something to say about improving your writing style; you've obviously invested a great deal of time and thoughtfulness into your ability (although many years of practice probably helped) and I always enjoy reading your stuff. I'll probably have to nit-pick to find anything worth being critical over, but I'll do what I can.

First, the good. Kaden's a very enjoyable character. Perhaps it's just part of your writing style, but I can sort of 'feel' Raditzu in your writing, if you catch my drift. Kaden doesn't remind me of Rad per se, but there's some sort of familiarity there. Conversely, Kaden is perhaps more entertaining to read because he's not some big powerhouse like a lot of others on this site. Kaden is new to the whole DBZ scene, he can't control his Sight, and he's shit scared of heights. He's quite quirky, and very fish-out-of-water, and you make it work really well.

The only thing that really stood out to me in the bad was slight repetition. Now when I say slight, I mean it doesn't really impact your posts, but perhaps because I'm so hard on myself when it comes to reusing words and phrases, I instinctively search out for it in other people's work. I noticed that from the last two posts, you used the phrase "running his hands through his hair" enough for it to get my attention. And this probably sounds really neurotic, but you used the word 'sizeable' in two areas of your last post. Even though they were a couple of paragraphs apart, when I read the second iteration I thought, "didn't I just read that?"

Not much else for me to say there.