08-03-2009, 03:49 PM
Just finished reading Retribution II. That’s the extent of your work that I’ve read, so my commentary on your character is sticking to that.
I’m intrigued by this contrast between Vad as a tenacious and alert warrior, and that he needed to be ‘restrained’ upon learning about his wife. As a reader, though, I would be terribly interested in hearing more from Vad himself, and less about his physical actions. There aren’t too many windows into Vad’s brain, and there, I think, is the depth of his feeling, which is a strong point. You’re quite interested in the physicality of Vad, and everything I read in Retribution II was concerned with that physicality. Such an approach is reasonable insofar as it was not boring, but I did feel rather detached from Vad as a person, though I wanted to become attached. Perhaps you do this on purpose.
There was, of course, the prominent instance in the middle of the thread, during which Vad is in a coma, that you offer a glimpse into his mentality, and it is beautiful. I haven’t had the opportunity to read your earlier posts, so I don’t quite know who Trixie really is (beyond that she’s Vad’s wife), nor do I understand the relationship between Vad and his parents. Nevertheless, the comatose portion was sublime. I understand that you can’t just have Vad go into a coma every post, but this sort of a naked glimpse into a character’s mentality is a powerful device, and judging from how well you employed it in this thread, I recommend you continue along that vein.
You have a very developed sense of weakness in Vad, which makes the fights suspenseful. That he often loses makes him all the more real.
The storyline is fascinating. I’ll be reading more as it is written.
I’m intrigued by this contrast between Vad as a tenacious and alert warrior, and that he needed to be ‘restrained’ upon learning about his wife. As a reader, though, I would be terribly interested in hearing more from Vad himself, and less about his physical actions. There aren’t too many windows into Vad’s brain, and there, I think, is the depth of his feeling, which is a strong point. You’re quite interested in the physicality of Vad, and everything I read in Retribution II was concerned with that physicality. Such an approach is reasonable insofar as it was not boring, but I did feel rather detached from Vad as a person, though I wanted to become attached. Perhaps you do this on purpose.
There was, of course, the prominent instance in the middle of the thread, during which Vad is in a coma, that you offer a glimpse into his mentality, and it is beautiful. I haven’t had the opportunity to read your earlier posts, so I don’t quite know who Trixie really is (beyond that she’s Vad’s wife), nor do I understand the relationship between Vad and his parents. Nevertheless, the comatose portion was sublime. I understand that you can’t just have Vad go into a coma every post, but this sort of a naked glimpse into a character’s mentality is a powerful device, and judging from how well you employed it in this thread, I recommend you continue along that vein.
You have a very developed sense of weakness in Vad, which makes the fights suspenseful. That he often loses makes him all the more real.
The storyline is fascinating. I’ll be reading more as it is written.