09-01-2009, 01:20 AM
You have a few things wrong here.
Wrong: "Just my luck." He muttered as he pushed back his sleeve to check the time.
Right: "Just my luck," he muttered as he pushed back his sleeve to check the time.
Unless you meant to start a sentence with a character doing something instead of expressing how he spoke before he pushed back his sleeve.
"seemingly broken, nose." There's no need for the pause.
A few more grammatical errors.
Your last post made me really laugh though. Great job. Good humor is rare. Good restart.
Wrong: "Just my luck." He muttered as he pushed back his sleeve to check the time.
Right: "Just my luck," he muttered as he pushed back his sleeve to check the time.
Unless you meant to start a sentence with a character doing something instead of expressing how he spoke before he pushed back his sleeve.
"seemingly broken, nose." There's no need for the pause.
A few more grammatical errors.
Your last post made me really laugh though. Great job. Good humor is rare. Good restart.
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