[C&C] Orion

[Kaden]

I started reading Gods and Elites, but I'm only a couple posts into it, but there are a few things I can say based on the stuff of yours I read during FoF. So I guess I'll do that now.

I don't know a whole lot about your character. I'm assuming this is the same Orion you were RPing before the switch, which is pretty cool. My general understanding of him is that he's a veteran saiyan soldier who suffered some pretty serious loses and became disillusioned with the idea of institutionalized military organizations as a result. Lemme know if that's way off, it's not based on a whole lot.

You basically have two types of posts, which isn't uncommon in a setting like Chubbs. The first is a basic "action" post. This doesn't mean that it has to involve fighting, but simply that Orion's actions are the primary focus of the post. You write well and keep these interesting, which is good (obviously) but they're not as interesting, to me, as your second type of post.

The second type is what I've been calling a "perception" post. I tried to come up with a catchier name, but couldn't be arsed, as you might say. These are the posts where the reader is, basically, inside Orion's head watching his interpretations of his surroundings. These are actually quite entertaining, because Orion isn't nearly as flat as I'd expect a "grizzled soldier" to be (I mean, let's face it, that's been done).

There was a post in FoF that really sticks out in my mind that illustrates this well. It was in the very beginning of the saga and I had made a post wherein Kaden tries to get the attention of the other Hunters to do... something, I don't exactly remember. Orion's internal response was borderline approval for a kid, a human no less, having the moxy to try and get the rest of the group to do anything (considering the rest of the group was three soldiers and a cop). His external response, though, was to basically ignore him.

While the end result wasn't exactly full of hair-raising excitement, it didn't need to be. The path to get there was interesting and informing about Orion. He didn't dismiss people, or get mired down in snap judgments about people. Normally I would find this out-of-character for a Saiyan, but I think Orion, as a character, has been able to intellectualize his race's bloodlust in a way that makes sense to the reader.

So... yeah... that's all I've got off the top of my head. I'll throw something else atcha once I've read more of your stuff.