[C&C] Orion

[Orion]

My general understanding of him is that he's a veteran saiyan soldier who suffered some pretty serious loses and became disillusioned with the idea of institutionalized military organizations as a result. Lemme know if that's way off, it's not based on a whole lot.

You're pretty close. The Story of Orion will reveal of that.

You basically have two types of posts, which isn't uncommon in a setting like Chubbs. The first is a basic "action" post. This doesn't mean that it has to involve fighting, but simply that Orion's actions are the primary focus of the post. You write well and keep these interesting, which is good (obviously) but they're not as interesting, to me, as your second type of post.

That's a bit disappointing. Not that you don't like my action posts as much as my perceptions, though. I think I've realised it, and you've said it, but I've tried to weave my action with perception, and yet it seems like you've said, they turn out to be based on either one or the other. It's not a failing per se, but I think my writing would be a lot more compelling if I could consciously combine those traits.

These are actually quite entertaining, because Orion isn't nearly as flat as I'd expect a "grizzled soldier" to be (I mean, let's face it, that's been done).

Thanks.

Orion's internal response was borderline approval for a kid, a human no less, having the moxy to try and get the rest of the group to do anything (considering the rest of the group was three soldiers and a cop). His external response, though, was to basically ignore him.

While the end result wasn't exactly full of hair-raising excitement, it didn't need to be. The path to get there was interesting and informing about Orion. He didn't dismiss people, or get mired down in snap judgments about people. Normally I would find this out-of-character for a Saiyan, but I think Orion, as a character, has been able to intellectualize his race's bloodlust in a way that makes sense to the reader.

I'm glad to hear that. That's exactly how I want to portray Orion; he is still a Saiyan, through and through, but due to his past, he has gone through psychological changes that means he actually thinks with more than just his fists.

So... yeah... that's all I've got off the top of my head. I'll throw something else atcha once I've read more of your stuff.

I'll be waiting with bated breath.