[C&C] Vad

[Cain]

Yeah. First off some freewriting while reading the first link.

The history of Vad seems a little bit pieced together. Doing narcotics at her husband's grave. . . Well, maybe, but only if she had a junkie group hanging out with her. Otherwise she could still be neglecting Vad at home while doing narcotics, like is all too frequent in certain parts of the world.

Next, this paragraph is good. There's a feel of historical accuracies in the associations between Earth and Vegeta-Sei.

Next, getting better. History is interesting unlike reading from a textbook can be. Comic Book esque vibes.

There's a contradiction here:
"Trixie's true parents were not to be spoken about; she only had visions about them. They were the reason Vad was permitted to enter the Demon Realm. Beatrix is a the offspring of two of the most feared Daemon Capita soldiers."

You said her true parents were not to be spoken about, and then you spoke about them. You also changed tense. "Beatrix was the..." not "Beatrix is the...".

Regardless of certain errors you're really putting out the extra effort to flesh out your character, and with time your pages will probably be perfect. That part's up to you, as many pages like yours (the main page here), for a while, have errors.

And second, this shows an adept ability to take notes. All three are broken down well, utilizing different headers. I learned a few things about taking notes for a story here. Thanks.