Kill Town - C&C

[Alexander Trafford]

I liked all of your role plays in the first round, but, at the the same time, I'm disappointed because i know you could have done better. I don't mean that offensively, but I have a slight bias towards your character because i think he is neat and unique, and when i look past that bias i see a well of untapped potential that you are not utilizing.

No one is going to argue that you have great ideas, because you do, and at times you show a knack for top notch description. But sometimes your RPs have the tendency to fall into a pattern of regularity, which can at times become boring. Also sometimes the flow of your writing seems to be off, almost as if it is forced and a paragraph later you will have your writing flowing beautifully. It's weird because you show that you can write with the 'Chubbs' elite' and then, a paragraph waver, you waver. I can only describe it as a sort of writing ADHD, perhaps, that you lose focus sometimes? I'm not sure.

I read your first role play in this round and, from a story perspective, it was world's better in my opinion. I'm no editor and i make basic grammatical mistakes all the time, so i can't really help you with that, but i thought, in my amateur opinion, that you showed more variability in your sentence structure, which kept it interesting. The interaction between the make-up applier and Cain was wonderful, as was his questioning of the mirror later on the in the RP. I actually really enjoyed that part because it combined the surreal and your dark-realistic style of writing. I found it to be wonderful.



The first link is to the first round
http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27290

This is to the second round
http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27329

I would prefer C&C from the second round, but if you have already read the material from the first round and teh second is too dreadful to read, then that is fine too.

Thanks in advance.