[03] Rusted Steel!

[Ashe]

"So... you like what you see?" her car droned at her.

The car was, more or less, shaped exactly like a compact penis, only with a set of four wheels. Ashe was entirely red as she fought for her next words. "I don't know who's idea of a joke this is supposed to be to have me drive some perverted mechanical baby dick around while everyone else has rockets and lasers."

"Oh ho, what little you know. Get inside of me and I will show you what power I am capable of."

Ignoring the irony within his words - given that despite being a vehicle, it was clearly fueled with testosterone - she reached down to pick up the blanket it and then reached forward, using the blanket as a protective glove as she found the handle hidden in the side. "Ew, ew, ew, EW," she chanted, pulling the door open quickly and jumping in.

"Allow me," the car so courteously offered, shutting the door on its own.

"Most gentleman open the door for girls too," she pointed out.

"Alas, I was so stunned by your beauty that I forgot my manners momentarily," it flawlessly returned.

She fumbled around looking for a steering wheel before she noticed that it didn't have one. "How..." she began before realizing that the thing that she had assumed was a stick shift was actually, unsurprisingly, a phallus shaped joystick. It was clearly the steering mechanism. "Of course, I'd have to steer by holding something shaped like a cock," she groaned.

Without missing a beat, the voice spoke up. "If this is to your liking, you will absolutely love how to deploy the built in weapons system."

"How 'bout no?" she declared, glancing around the compartment for any buttons or switches to explain. "This it?" she guessed.

"I am afraid not. That button activates unprotected mode, allowing the roof of this compartment to slide back so that we may bask under the stars with nothing between us. I must warn you, with a heavy heart, that if you attempt to ride while in unprotected mode, I will have to disable the thrusters. I am afraid that safety comes first in these endeavors," the vehicle cooed at her.

"Gross," was the only words Ashe could think of as she continued searching. After a moment, she gave up. "Ok, fine. I'll figure out the weapons later. And you won't drive if I press that button, so how do with get going? What do I even call you?" she questioned.

"Oh, I must apologize for my lack of manners. You may call me... Money Shot."

"Money Shot..." she repeated in a deadpan voice. Shaking her head, she finally wrapped her hand around the shaft of the joystick. "Please tell me that I don't have to jerk this thing around to make it work," she pleaded.

"I will do the work, you just enjoy the ride."

"Oh, ok," she exhaled, withdrawing her hand with a smile and leaning back.

"Although, I find it hard to concentrate on the task without some stimulation from one such as yourself," it added.

"Oh," she repeated once more, realizing where this was going. She finally moved her hand forward once more and wrapped around the joystick. "Ok, Money Shot, let's... rock out with our cock out," she quipped. "What about the door?" she realized. "How do we open that?"

Suddenly the vehicle lurched forward, its wheels rolling it directly up before the steel monstrosity. "Ah, yes," it reflected. "Watch how it falls before my enormous girth," it announced. To finalize its punchline, the tip of the vehicle suddenly expanded forth, growing quickly as it slammed into the sealed exit. To Ashe's surprise, the door exploded off of its hinges, the clamorous sound echoing throughout the room as the vehicle rushed out into the great beyond, now fully formed like that of a stretch limo.

"How did you... THAT DOOR WAS SOLID STEEL!"

Money Shot chuckled. "Yes, I must admit. That wasn't the first cherry I have taken a bit over aggressively."

The streets passed by them quickly as they roared over open asphalt, hearing the sounds of explosions in the distance. A series of vehicles rushed back and forth in the distance, doing battle with what Ashe could only describe as an enormous monster truck, all black and armored from bumper to bumper. In comparison, the other vehicles were descriptionless blurs of motion doing everything they could to avoid the repeated rockets and guns that were blasting at them.

"Over there," she pointed out. "I bet that thing has quite a sound system in it," she mused, noticing the shining chrome of its rims reflecting the explosions around it. "That thing looks like a giant Hummer?"

"I love when you talk dirty," Money Shot responded.

"Huh?"

"As for the sound system," it continued without clarification. The radio kicked on without warning, causing Ashe to jump in her seat for a moment.

"GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!" it screamed, causing Ashe to take her hand off the driving stick to cover her ears. As if in response, the radio shut off, with a quick apology from her vehicle's computer.

"Let's..." she began, taking hold of the reins once more. "Let's just focus on the task at hand," she decided, quickly approaching the giant boss vehicle.

Without a moment's warning, the black armored vehicle slid a turn, its rockets swerving to point directly at her. "Um, MOVE," Ashe screamed loudly.

Thankfully, Money Shot didn't await her orders before its tires spun, firing off directly beneath the passing explosions. "Shall we go... balls deep?" it voiced, seeking permission before moving directly towards the opposing monstrosity.