03-28-2010, 03:43 AM
Upon her utter failure in the eve of her last event, Sophia found herself wandering aimlessly through the carnival. She hated feeling the way she felt at that point, feeling so…helpless, like that lost, useless woman she used to be when she fled her temple so long ago. Kaiousama had once told her that she had made great strides towards maturity—both as a person and a fighter—she couldn’t help but feel as though she was moving backwards. It was difficult for her to keep holding onto what she had learned before, but at the same time, without what she had previously believed, she wouldn’t have even known how to talk and react to other people.
“Because I love you…” Sophia repeated to herself in a voice barely more audible than a whisper. She stared at her reflection in the pool of water in front of her. Her could hardly recognize her features as her own—of course due in part to the alterations that Gamer had made, but the expression that she wore seemed…foreign to her. Her eyes were puffy and red, and she seemed to be stuck in a grimace as she examined her face. Scoffing, she moved her fingers through the cool fluid, distorting her reflection before she tore her sight away. “How stupid am I, anyway?”
Sighing, she turned around and sat the edge of the fountain, looking up at the night sky. It was odd, but she hadn’t noticed the darkness until that moment—they seemed to be stuck inside of a perpetual twilight, but she had failed to notice in the mist of her own thoughts and emotions. She had Kaden right where she wanted him—in a place where she could finally let him know how she felt. In retrospect, she didn’t even know how he would react to such a bold statement. Frankly, she hadn’t thought about it. She shook her head as she recalled his expression. It was definitely shock that he felt, but she saw little else in his visage.
You heard me…right? I love you. she thought, as if the message would somehow make it to him, wherever it was that he stood. If you took anything away from what I said…please, god, let it be that.
But, as those things usually went with the healer, she had definitely said the wrong things, or at the very least the right things in the wrong order. The weight of recent events began to ever-so-slightly chip away at her bones, and despite what she said, she needed Kaden more at that time than she had ever needed him before. Unfortunately, her emotions got the best of her, and before she could back peddle, they had parted ways on a less-than-cordial note. The few hours that ensued were some of the roughest of her existence.
Sophia sighed and closed her eyes, letting a soft breeze roll across her face. Her body tensed—not by any supernatural means, but by a faint click on the concrete only a few feet away from her. Without opening her eyelids, she began to speak. “What do you want?”
“I’m just checking up on you,” Mixie’s voice reached her ears as she took a seat next to the healer. “You’ve been one of our quieter contestants.”
“Have I?” Sophia exhaled and glanced at the woman. “I guess I’m just not into it.”
“There seems to be a lot of that going around,” the brunette giggled. “You haven’t even spent any of your monies yet.”
“My, uh…my what?” the healer arched an eyebrow. “You mean money.”
“No, I mean monies. That’s the currency we use here,” the program reaffirmed. “And so far, you have yet to spend any of it.”
“Is that so?” Sophia shrugged. “I’m not interested in anything that you have for me to buy.”
“Now, now, you won’t get anywhere with that attitude,” Mixie poked the healer in the arm playfully. “After all, how do you expect to win?”
“I don’t,” Sophia said simply. She began to laugh as she continued her train of thought. “It’s a strange thought, but I really don’t care at this point. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fancy the idea of dying, but…there are more pressing matters at hand, at least for me. I suppose you wouldn’t understand, though.”
“More than you know…” Mixie sighed. Sophia frowned at her sudden, albeit brief, change in attitude. It was a look of doubt that she hadn’t seen in the woman before. “I suppose I don’t blame you. The game doesn’t look especially fun to me. But I’m just the host, right? It’s not my place to say.”
“That’s an odd thing for someone like you to be saying,” the healer pointed out.
“Just forget I said anything,” she replied with a smile. “Well, it doesn’t seem like any of the other players need my help yet, so I guess I have a bit of time…you need to talk about something?”
“Why do you care?” Sophia shook her head. She almost followed it up with a well-timed “it’s none of your business” comment, but she didn’t have the time.
“Are you kidding? I never get to have girl talk!” Mixie laughed, her bubbly personality surfacing again. “Besides, I don’t like to see my guests with such long faces.”
“Heh, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…” Sophia took a deep breath, “…there’s this guy.”
“Ooooh~!” the woman apparently had the valley girl persona down pat.
“…yeah. So…I’ve known him for a while, but I never really see him unless we’re…you know, in the middle of some life-threatening disaster zone. Kind of like this, actually,” the blonde began to explain. “He’s saved my life so many times that I’ve lost count, and every time he’s done something like that for me, the feelings…compounded, you know?”
“Sounds like quite the hero,” Mixie inserted, smiling attentively.
“Yeah…yeah, I know,” Sophia sighed. “But I think that’s the problem. He’s like that for everyone. He is a hero, even if he doesn’t quite realize it. And…I don’t know…sometimes I wish I got that kind of attention exclusively. I know that probably sounds stupid…”
“No, not at all. A girl likes to feel special,” said Mixie. “But at the same time, don’t you think you’re being kind of selfish?”
“What!? How am I being selfish? He doesn’t…he isn’t…” Sophia trailed off more and more as she began to consider that statement more thoroughly.
“I mean, I don’t know him really well, but it seems like he’s trying his best,” Mixie explained further.
Sophia turned her stare towards the ground. “…you’re right. He is trying. I guess I’m just jealous. But why can’t he think of me at least a little? I mean, every time he even looks at me, it’s hard for me to breathe. I can’t stop thinking about him when he’s away. I guess I just want him to understand that.”
“Something tells me that he does,” Mixie giggled.
“What makes you say that?”
“I’ll just leave you two alone,” the woman shoved an index finger past Sophia, pointing it towards the courier before she stood up and scampered off. Her heart sunk and tried to leap out of her throat at once as the woman slowly turned her head to meet her gaze with his.
“There you are,” Kaden belted an uneven laugh, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “You’re impossible to find, you know that?”
“How long were you…I can’t believe I didn’t…oh my god,” Sophia’s face burned as she tried to shrink away, as if she could hide when she was so plainly in sight. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“I would be too,” the courier grinned. “But, look…I’m just glad that I found you. We should, uh…talk. That’s what we should do, right?”
“Um…uh…y-yeah, that would be…nice,” Sophia fumbled through her wrecked train of thought. “I mean, uh, yeah we should.”
The healer began to stand up to walk over to him, but Kaden motioned for her to stay where she was. Taking the seat that had previously been occupied by Mixie, the blonde man took a deep breath, almost in tune with Sophia’s. “Look, I should...”
“Hey, um…sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you, but can I go first?” she looked up into his eyes. He blinked, but eventually conceded. “Thanks. Um…I guess I just…well, first let me expand on what I told you earlier. What you didn’t do on that ship, what you did do, none of that really matters to me. I mean, yeah, I was upset, but I was also being unreasonable.”
“That’s…certainly a relief,” Kaden said.
“Don’t get me wrong, though,” Sophia continued. “I don’t know if you realize this or not, but…you’re my best friend. I trust you implicitly.”
“But…why?” the courier shook his head. “Why put that kind of trust into me, of all people?”
“That’s a question that’s difficult to qualify,” the healer said. “That’s what I’ve been thinking about since we last spoke. No matter what reasons I could come up with to not trust you, my mind always went to my experiences at the temple. You’ve been there, right? I worked there, day and night, for twenty-odd years. My entire childhood and teenage years, I catered to the weak, the strong, the rich, the poor, anyone who thought that they needed our assistance. Looking back on it, we did nothing to teach anybody anything. We didn’t spread the word about our god, we just made someone feel better about themselves for a reasonable fee. Because of it, we got some of the worst people imaginable.”
“I can imagine.”
“I can clearly remember the first time I saw a drug. A man whom we took in had a bag of it and was selling out of it to some of our guards. Or the first time I caught one of the other priestess’ sleeping with a…client. Of course, then there was the…attack. My father’s own best friend killed him for his title and a paltry sum. It was so stupid, ” Sophia closed her eyes as she struck her own nerve. “These were people I knew, people whom I trusted. I was only a kid, but I thought they were people I could look up to. They could stand on a corner somewhere and preach forever on the merits of acting the name of good or justice or whatever you want to call it, but they failed to put it into practice. Kaden, you’ve done nothing but practice what you preach, and it amazes me. No matter what kind of situation is thrown at you, you always do what you think is right. There’s worth in that.”
“You knew those people a hell of a lot longer than you’ve known me,” the courier reminded her. “As much as I hate bringing this up, how can you be sure that I won’t betray you the same way?”
“You won’t,” Sophia smiled, suddenly too embarrassed to maintain eye contact.
“But how do you know?”
“Well…I suppose it’s just time for me to believe in something again,” Sophia looked up into his eyes again. “Don’t you think?”
“Yeah…I guess so,” the courier returned her smile.
“Having said that,” her statement was accompanied by a slight giggle. “I want to apologize. Like I said before, I was being unreasonable. In a world filled with people who absolutely can’t be trusted, you’re someone who I can place all my hopes and fears into and feel safe that it’ll all turn out right. You’re a hero in my book, Kaden, even if you don’t think so. But…it was wrong of me to place so many expectations on you. You’re not my own personal knight in shining armor, although I…well, I guess I’ll just say that you have to keep everyone in mind, and I can’t expect you to come to my rescue exclusively when there are people who need you more. I hope that makes sense.”
“It does,” Kaden nodded. “And…well, people have been telling me that I’m too…detached, I guess. I had more that I wanted to say to you, but for now, I’ll just leave it at this: I really do care about…y’know. You.”
“It means a lot to hear you say that,” Sophia broke eye contact once more. “And…hey, let’s just forget about the past few outbursts I’ve had, alright? You’ve always been there for me, and I want to be there for you too. I realize that it’s kind of hard to rely on me when I’m so…uh…”
“Hormonal?” Kaden offered with a smirk.
Sophia couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, that.” The pair of friends shared a laugh. For the first time in a while, it was from legitimate joy—in the middle of such a perilous position like Kill Town, they had found something to be, for once, happy about. When it subsided, however, it was replaced by an awkward silence that made Sophia want to scream. Smiling weakly, “Anyway…I’m going to take a walk, or something. I think we have a bit of time before we have our next event.”
“You want me to go with you?” the courier offered.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to,” the healer beamed at him. “You look kind of tired, actually. You should take a nap, or something.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Kaden stuffed his hands in his pockets with a grin. “Go ahead, then. If you need me, just holler. If it’s loud enough, I’ll come running, alright?”
“Right back at’cha,” Sophia winked. As she turned to part ways, she widened her eyes as soon as she was satisfied that the courier couldn’t see her look of panic. Somehow, she avoided talking about the romantic side of her feelings, and although she was positive that it would have to be talked about at some point, she was relieved that she had managed to side step that landmine. She walked down the path, making turns at random, barely watching where she was going as she pondered the conversation which she had just taken part of.
She suddenly thought to look up, but it was too late. She walked headfirst into a woman, who was beaming over an apparent victory of some sort.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” Sophia gasped, grabbing onto the girl’s arm just as much to maintain her own balance as it was to catch hers. Looking up to examine who this person was, the healer’s eyes shined with realization. “Oh, it’s you. Victoria, right?” she looked down at the stuffed object that she had been carrying and blinked. “Nice sheep.”
“Because I love you…” Sophia repeated to herself in a voice barely more audible than a whisper. She stared at her reflection in the pool of water in front of her. Her could hardly recognize her features as her own—of course due in part to the alterations that Gamer had made, but the expression that she wore seemed…foreign to her. Her eyes were puffy and red, and she seemed to be stuck in a grimace as she examined her face. Scoffing, she moved her fingers through the cool fluid, distorting her reflection before she tore her sight away. “How stupid am I, anyway?”
Sighing, she turned around and sat the edge of the fountain, looking up at the night sky. It was odd, but she hadn’t noticed the darkness until that moment—they seemed to be stuck inside of a perpetual twilight, but she had failed to notice in the mist of her own thoughts and emotions. She had Kaden right where she wanted him—in a place where she could finally let him know how she felt. In retrospect, she didn’t even know how he would react to such a bold statement. Frankly, she hadn’t thought about it. She shook her head as she recalled his expression. It was definitely shock that he felt, but she saw little else in his visage.
You heard me…right? I love you. she thought, as if the message would somehow make it to him, wherever it was that he stood. If you took anything away from what I said…please, god, let it be that.
But, as those things usually went with the healer, she had definitely said the wrong things, or at the very least the right things in the wrong order. The weight of recent events began to ever-so-slightly chip away at her bones, and despite what she said, she needed Kaden more at that time than she had ever needed him before. Unfortunately, her emotions got the best of her, and before she could back peddle, they had parted ways on a less-than-cordial note. The few hours that ensued were some of the roughest of her existence.
Sophia sighed and closed her eyes, letting a soft breeze roll across her face. Her body tensed—not by any supernatural means, but by a faint click on the concrete only a few feet away from her. Without opening her eyelids, she began to speak. “What do you want?”
“I’m just checking up on you,” Mixie’s voice reached her ears as she took a seat next to the healer. “You’ve been one of our quieter contestants.”
“Have I?” Sophia exhaled and glanced at the woman. “I guess I’m just not into it.”
“There seems to be a lot of that going around,” the brunette giggled. “You haven’t even spent any of your monies yet.”
“My, uh…my what?” the healer arched an eyebrow. “You mean money.”
“No, I mean monies. That’s the currency we use here,” the program reaffirmed. “And so far, you have yet to spend any of it.”
“Is that so?” Sophia shrugged. “I’m not interested in anything that you have for me to buy.”
“Now, now, you won’t get anywhere with that attitude,” Mixie poked the healer in the arm playfully. “After all, how do you expect to win?”
“I don’t,” Sophia said simply. She began to laugh as she continued her train of thought. “It’s a strange thought, but I really don’t care at this point. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fancy the idea of dying, but…there are more pressing matters at hand, at least for me. I suppose you wouldn’t understand, though.”
“More than you know…” Mixie sighed. Sophia frowned at her sudden, albeit brief, change in attitude. It was a look of doubt that she hadn’t seen in the woman before. “I suppose I don’t blame you. The game doesn’t look especially fun to me. But I’m just the host, right? It’s not my place to say.”
“That’s an odd thing for someone like you to be saying,” the healer pointed out.
“Just forget I said anything,” she replied with a smile. “Well, it doesn’t seem like any of the other players need my help yet, so I guess I have a bit of time…you need to talk about something?”
“Why do you care?” Sophia shook her head. She almost followed it up with a well-timed “it’s none of your business” comment, but she didn’t have the time.
“Are you kidding? I never get to have girl talk!” Mixie laughed, her bubbly personality surfacing again. “Besides, I don’t like to see my guests with such long faces.”
“Heh, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…” Sophia took a deep breath, “…there’s this guy.”
“Ooooh~!” the woman apparently had the valley girl persona down pat.
“…yeah. So…I’ve known him for a while, but I never really see him unless we’re…you know, in the middle of some life-threatening disaster zone. Kind of like this, actually,” the blonde began to explain. “He’s saved my life so many times that I’ve lost count, and every time he’s done something like that for me, the feelings…compounded, you know?”
“Sounds like quite the hero,” Mixie inserted, smiling attentively.
“Yeah…yeah, I know,” Sophia sighed. “But I think that’s the problem. He’s like that for everyone. He is a hero, even if he doesn’t quite realize it. And…I don’t know…sometimes I wish I got that kind of attention exclusively. I know that probably sounds stupid…”
“No, not at all. A girl likes to feel special,” said Mixie. “But at the same time, don’t you think you’re being kind of selfish?”
“What!? How am I being selfish? He doesn’t…he isn’t…” Sophia trailed off more and more as she began to consider that statement more thoroughly.
“I mean, I don’t know him really well, but it seems like he’s trying his best,” Mixie explained further.
Sophia turned her stare towards the ground. “…you’re right. He is trying. I guess I’m just jealous. But why can’t he think of me at least a little? I mean, every time he even looks at me, it’s hard for me to breathe. I can’t stop thinking about him when he’s away. I guess I just want him to understand that.”
“Something tells me that he does,” Mixie giggled.
“What makes you say that?”
“I’ll just leave you two alone,” the woman shoved an index finger past Sophia, pointing it towards the courier before she stood up and scampered off. Her heart sunk and tried to leap out of her throat at once as the woman slowly turned her head to meet her gaze with his.
“There you are,” Kaden belted an uneven laugh, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “You’re impossible to find, you know that?”
“How long were you…I can’t believe I didn’t…oh my god,” Sophia’s face burned as she tried to shrink away, as if she could hide when she was so plainly in sight. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“I would be too,” the courier grinned. “But, look…I’m just glad that I found you. We should, uh…talk. That’s what we should do, right?”
“Um…uh…y-yeah, that would be…nice,” Sophia fumbled through her wrecked train of thought. “I mean, uh, yeah we should.”
The healer began to stand up to walk over to him, but Kaden motioned for her to stay where she was. Taking the seat that had previously been occupied by Mixie, the blonde man took a deep breath, almost in tune with Sophia’s. “Look, I should...”
“Hey, um…sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt you, but can I go first?” she looked up into his eyes. He blinked, but eventually conceded. “Thanks. Um…I guess I just…well, first let me expand on what I told you earlier. What you didn’t do on that ship, what you did do, none of that really matters to me. I mean, yeah, I was upset, but I was also being unreasonable.”
“That’s…certainly a relief,” Kaden said.
“Don’t get me wrong, though,” Sophia continued. “I don’t know if you realize this or not, but…you’re my best friend. I trust you implicitly.”
“But…why?” the courier shook his head. “Why put that kind of trust into me, of all people?”
“That’s a question that’s difficult to qualify,” the healer said. “That’s what I’ve been thinking about since we last spoke. No matter what reasons I could come up with to not trust you, my mind always went to my experiences at the temple. You’ve been there, right? I worked there, day and night, for twenty-odd years. My entire childhood and teenage years, I catered to the weak, the strong, the rich, the poor, anyone who thought that they needed our assistance. Looking back on it, we did nothing to teach anybody anything. We didn’t spread the word about our god, we just made someone feel better about themselves for a reasonable fee. Because of it, we got some of the worst people imaginable.”
“I can imagine.”
“I can clearly remember the first time I saw a drug. A man whom we took in had a bag of it and was selling out of it to some of our guards. Or the first time I caught one of the other priestess’ sleeping with a…client. Of course, then there was the…attack. My father’s own best friend killed him for his title and a paltry sum. It was so stupid, ” Sophia closed her eyes as she struck her own nerve. “These were people I knew, people whom I trusted. I was only a kid, but I thought they were people I could look up to. They could stand on a corner somewhere and preach forever on the merits of acting the name of good or justice or whatever you want to call it, but they failed to put it into practice. Kaden, you’ve done nothing but practice what you preach, and it amazes me. No matter what kind of situation is thrown at you, you always do what you think is right. There’s worth in that.”
“You knew those people a hell of a lot longer than you’ve known me,” the courier reminded her. “As much as I hate bringing this up, how can you be sure that I won’t betray you the same way?”
“You won’t,” Sophia smiled, suddenly too embarrassed to maintain eye contact.
“But how do you know?”
“Well…I suppose it’s just time for me to believe in something again,” Sophia looked up into his eyes again. “Don’t you think?”
“Yeah…I guess so,” the courier returned her smile.
“Having said that,” her statement was accompanied by a slight giggle. “I want to apologize. Like I said before, I was being unreasonable. In a world filled with people who absolutely can’t be trusted, you’re someone who I can place all my hopes and fears into and feel safe that it’ll all turn out right. You’re a hero in my book, Kaden, even if you don’t think so. But…it was wrong of me to place so many expectations on you. You’re not my own personal knight in shining armor, although I…well, I guess I’ll just say that you have to keep everyone in mind, and I can’t expect you to come to my rescue exclusively when there are people who need you more. I hope that makes sense.”
“It does,” Kaden nodded. “And…well, people have been telling me that I’m too…detached, I guess. I had more that I wanted to say to you, but for now, I’ll just leave it at this: I really do care about…y’know. You.”
“It means a lot to hear you say that,” Sophia broke eye contact once more. “And…hey, let’s just forget about the past few outbursts I’ve had, alright? You’ve always been there for me, and I want to be there for you too. I realize that it’s kind of hard to rely on me when I’m so…uh…”
“Hormonal?” Kaden offered with a smirk.
Sophia couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, that.” The pair of friends shared a laugh. For the first time in a while, it was from legitimate joy—in the middle of such a perilous position like Kill Town, they had found something to be, for once, happy about. When it subsided, however, it was replaced by an awkward silence that made Sophia want to scream. Smiling weakly, “Anyway…I’m going to take a walk, or something. I think we have a bit of time before we have our next event.”
“You want me to go with you?” the courier offered.
“Thanks, but you don’t have to,” the healer beamed at him. “You look kind of tired, actually. You should take a nap, or something.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Kaden stuffed his hands in his pockets with a grin. “Go ahead, then. If you need me, just holler. If it’s loud enough, I’ll come running, alright?”
“Right back at’cha,” Sophia winked. As she turned to part ways, she widened her eyes as soon as she was satisfied that the courier couldn’t see her look of panic. Somehow, she avoided talking about the romantic side of her feelings, and although she was positive that it would have to be talked about at some point, she was relieved that she had managed to side step that landmine. She walked down the path, making turns at random, barely watching where she was going as she pondered the conversation which she had just taken part of.
She suddenly thought to look up, but it was too late. She walked headfirst into a woman, who was beaming over an apparent victory of some sort.
“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” Sophia gasped, grabbing onto the girl’s arm just as much to maintain her own balance as it was to catch hers. Looking up to examine who this person was, the healer’s eyes shined with realization. “Oh, it’s you. Victoria, right?” she looked down at the stuffed object that she had been carrying and blinked. “Nice sheep.”