05-16-2010, 11:35 PM
What I told you in the PM is working wonders ^^ now it's easier to understand who's saying what.
Your spelling and grammar is a little off, but that will improve over time. If you can find a way to use a spellchecker website or anything, that will help, but as I already told you it's not a huge deal.
Writing here will greatly improve on your English, and you'll learn things so fast.
As far as your character goes, she seems a little flat at the moment. Fleshing her out and adding personal thoughts and more focus on her (than her sister) will help round her out. You have a long journey ahead of you so it's something that will progress over time.
It took me something like 50,000+ words and member interaction before I got Victoria rounded out as a character and I'm still going ^^.
If you want some tips (I recently started following it) this thread is useful: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17671
It'll tell you how to improve your writing, and all that fun stuff.
Your spelling and grammar is a little off, but that will improve over time. If you can find a way to use a spellchecker website or anything, that will help, but as I already told you it's not a huge deal.
Writing here will greatly improve on your English, and you'll learn things so fast.
As far as your character goes, she seems a little flat at the moment. Fleshing her out and adding personal thoughts and more focus on her (than her sister) will help round her out. You have a long journey ahead of you so it's something that will progress over time.
It took me something like 50,000+ words and member interaction before I got Victoria rounded out as a character and I'm still going ^^.
If you want some tips (I recently started following it) this thread is useful: http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17671
It'll tell you how to improve your writing, and all that fun stuff.
![[Image: VictoriaJuly.jpg]](http://rpnexus.com/sig/miscsig/VictoriaJuly.jpg)
![[Image: ManSoldWorld.png]](http://rpnexus.com/sig/UG/ManSoldWorld.png)