06-26-2010, 06:37 PM
I've actually read your thread up to this point, so I might as well give some quick feedback.
You've got some solid writing skill, and your narrative is pretty well-crafted. Your grammar is pretty spot-on too. I mean, there are probably some mistakes there, but nothing that that was so glaring that I needed to comment on it. You did pretty well in your description and imagery, especially concerning your character and her evaluation of her new powers. It's a examination of earth control that we rarely see, and I'm glad you at least took this amount of time in laying it out for your reader.
As far as plot goes, it's nothing that hasn't been done before, but that's not so bad as long as you do a good job in describing it, as you seem to be doing in this thread. But I mean...the main character doesn't remember some things, is being trained in some art by some older sensei type, and said main character has to watch the sensei fight and ultimately lose. If anyone's played Shining Force for Sega Genesis, for instance, they've seen this story.
Still, it's a great way to introduce your character and story, so you seem to have something good going here. I'm sure you wanted more, but that's about all I have at this point. xD
Feel free to take a look at my stuff if you want to return the favor. =]
You've got some solid writing skill, and your narrative is pretty well-crafted. Your grammar is pretty spot-on too. I mean, there are probably some mistakes there, but nothing that that was so glaring that I needed to comment on it. You did pretty well in your description and imagery, especially concerning your character and her evaluation of her new powers. It's a examination of earth control that we rarely see, and I'm glad you at least took this amount of time in laying it out for your reader.
As far as plot goes, it's nothing that hasn't been done before, but that's not so bad as long as you do a good job in describing it, as you seem to be doing in this thread. But I mean...the main character doesn't remember some things, is being trained in some art by some older sensei type, and said main character has to watch the sensei fight and ultimately lose. If anyone's played Shining Force for Sega Genesis, for instance, they've seen this story.
Still, it's a great way to introduce your character and story, so you seem to have something good going here. I'm sure you wanted more, but that's about all I have at this point. xD
Feel free to take a look at my stuff if you want to return the favor. =]